Instead of

growing up in the faith I became a Christian as an adult. There is so

much that is confusing to a new Christian joining a church, that I wanted

to share the experiences I have had there, in hopes it will make the path

smoother for other adults who come to accept Jesus late in life.

The discovery

that a relationship with God, or the church, is a constant journey was

a surprise. Many that are new to faith have the mistaken idea, as I did,

that you take the step to accepting Christ and you are, all at once, where

you need to be. Everything is clear, and you are ready to be welcomed

into the church with open arms. His love, His forgiveness, and His acceptance

of us are that simple.

Our relationship

with His church, where we fit into it, and how we are accepted by it is,

in most cases however, not that simple. I am still struggling with it,

as I believe most Christians joining the church as adults will struggle.

There is no

criticism of the body of the church of Christian believers intended in

this. It appears unavoidable that the joining of the new adult believer,

and the established Christian church member, is fraught with possibilities

for difficulties. The disparities between these two groups, and their

understanding of the church, cannot help but present a form of culture

shock to both sides.

Too often the

new believer finds the transition too difficult to achieve, and gives

up in despair. Failure to reach out with their whole heart is the new

believers' mistake. Failure to reach out with their whole heart is the

established church members' mistake as well.

The reality

of the church often fails to meet the idealistic, and unrealistic, expectations

of a new Christian. The church too often fails to meet the requirements

of real Christian brotherhood in bringing the new member into its folds.

Both sides need to offer more tolerance, acceptance and understanding.

I joined in

the activities of my church with a sincere desire to belong, but with

a fear of putting myself forward too. Who was I to have earned the right

to reach out, so close to the sinful life I had lived? I was not an accepted

unquestioned part of the whole.

After three

years, I had been teaching a Sunday school class of young adults for a

year and a half, and had led a weekly group of 11-year-olds in Bible study

and other activities for a year. Yet I was still aware I was, in some

subtle way, not as fully a part of the church fellowship as I longed to

be. A slight distance was maintained, a general feeling of not having

quite made the grade yet.

I would have

concluded that I was overly sensitive if I had not been aware of other

new members with this same impression, some of who left in defeat. This

was particularly the case with those who did not fit within the standard

framework of the churches' demographics.

When out of

bewilderment I asked a dear friend, a church member in long standing,

"What am I doing wrong?" he explained it to me. He was not a

"Sunday morning member" as those less involved may sometimes

be called. He was a deacon, who worked extensively within the youth program,

and was involved with the governing process of the church.

He explained

that it was necessary for new Christians to prove themselves. Those of

us who had not been Christians all of our adult life had made choices

and done things that were terrible to someone whose entire life was grounded

in Christian principles. What if we back-slid? What if we had been allowed

to become an integral part of the fabric of the church and then had stumbled,

or fallen completely? What if the really sinful lives we had lived were

allowed to touch the core of the church because it welcomed a new untried

Christian too readily?

What can a

new Christian say to that? A new believer, more than anyone knows, is

aware of the sin in her life, past and present. The foreshadowing of hell,

seen by those who were lost, is close to her memory.

I would tell

you, Let it go. God has. Don't give up. There is too much to value in

the fellowship of the church, too much love there, even if you still feel

you aren't worthy of an entire measure of it.

I might remind

the church members that Christ asked no more of us than for us to believe

in Him, give him our sins, and trust they are forgotten, and forgiven.

I would ask them to consider God's words when He said:

"(But)

the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among

you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for you were strangers in the

land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God." Leviticus 19:34.

[Debra Duncan

is a writer who lives in Marble Falls, Texas. She has written a series

of articles over time about the experiences of a woman who became a Christian

late in life finding a place in today's church.]