I watched the CBS documentary

Sunday night, the one filmed by the two French brothers the film they

had been working on for nine months in an effort to document the life

of a New York firefighter.

The film makers were on scene

with cameras running when the planes hit the towers. They captured the

people running to and from the horror that was unfolding. They captured

the disbelief on the faces of people of countless nationalities stunned

crushing spats which we were told were bodies falling from the floors

high above. They recorded their own emotions.

They also captured something

else that has disturbed me. You would think with all the choices I have

to be upset about, that this one would not be what kept me from sleeping

well after viewing the film. Not only did I not sleep well, when I did

doze, I had horrible nightmares.

You see, the French film makers

caught on camera the firefighters/first responders scurrying around in

the lobby of Tower One trying to figure out if the elevators were working

and discussing the best ways to get to the upper floors.

That elevator area discussion

has upset me.

The planes had hit the building

eighty-plus floors above them. We have an idea how long it takes a firefighter

laden with all his gear to go up a flight of stairs. This particular documentary

said it can take a minute to climb just one flight of stairs. That's 80

or more minutes before a rescue worker would ever even get to the floors

where the damage occurred on impact.

I keep wondering why the elevators

were ever a consideration. And why do rescue workers walk up the stairs

of a building whose structural integrity has been so compromised?

Is that what a firefighter

does? Must they go barging in unaware on scenes and into places the rest

of us run from?

I am very much aware that one

alternative would have been to stand back and possibly do little or nothing.

And the other alternatives?

Climb nearly a hundred fights of stairs carrying gear that weighed almost

as much as some of them did? Expect when they reached the floors filled

with smoke and flames to be able to function? To help others? To rescue

them? To go back down all those stairs again?

Did those firefighters even

have enough oxygen on their backs to take them up that high and back down

again, huffing and puffing like they had to have been?

Did they think the fire would

be still and not spread until they got there? I truly am not being critical

here. I wouldn't dare. I want to know.

Common sense seems to be telling

me it was unwise to do what made dead heroes of many men and women. Is

there room for common sense on such a scene?

Is there ever a right time

to use, or even consider using, an elevator when you suspect or know a

building is on fire?

Is there ever a time when you

just stay on the ground and pray that the sprinkler system is working

and that everybody everywhere knows the best way to try to get out of

a building?

Does the fact that so many

firefighters died lessen the pain? Do their deaths make it easier in some

way to accept the loss of so many of those they were there to serve?

Would better training have

saved some of them? Do we need to abolish construction of high rise buildings?

I expect responses to this

column. I welcome them at: [email protected]. I want to try to understand

this better.

What was right, wrong, wise,

or unwise about the firefighter/EMS response of 9/11? Do we dare think

such a horrible tragedy would never happen again? Who imagined it could

happen the first time?

How prepared were we? How prepared

will we be?

Am I proud of, and thankful

for, those men and women who gave their lives to try to save others? Of

course I am! They did the best they knew to do in an unimaginable situation.

Assuredly "all gave some

and some gave all" right before our eyes.

Still, I am left wondering

how well trained our emergency services professionals are. Everywhere.

Not just in New York. Is it even possible to adequately train/equip a

firefighter for another 9/11?

Oh ... and how much are they

paid? And how are their families cared for when they die for us? Because

such first responders do die. For us.

It's a disturbing day with

disturbing thoughts. It is six months since many, many people died who

should not have died.

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