If you are unsure whether being

gay is a choice, then go ask someone who is. Ask them to tell you their

story. Most will be grateful that someone would be thoughtful enough to

want to know the truth. And if you think they might not tell you the truth,

let me tell you a beautiful, redemptive, little fact. Once a homosexual

comes "out," after going through the personal hell we have created

for them, forcing them to be in the closet, for God only knows how long,

they really don't care what you think!

After Adam told us he was gay,

we went through some painful "soul searching" which led us to

a group called PFLAG (Parents, Family, Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

It was there we met other gays and lesbians. I would ask each one, "How

and when did you know you were homosexual?" Although the details

vary, the stories are amazing in similarity.

Sometime during their teen

years, they noticed an attraction for the same sex. They knew it wasn't

right from all they had been taught by their parents, family, friends,

church, and society. They would suppress those feelings, knowing them

to be wrong. As they got older, the feelings would become stronger, harder

to deny. At some point, they realized these feelings weren't going to

go away and must be challenged. This "dirty little secret" would

ruin their life.

Those raised in a religious

environment quickly went to God in prayer. Mistakenly believing they had

done something wrong to bring on these feelings, they would fervently

beg God to remove this curse from their life. Years of negotiating with

God proved futile. Feeling as though God had turned His back on them,

they knew they were on their own. Feeling lost and alone, do they risk

seeking help and advice from others, or do they just repress the urges?

This is where the stories diverge

on many different paths.

For a fortunate few, they reveal

their innermost torment and are immediately surrounded by love, understanding,

and acceptance. Unfortunately for most, their risk of vulnerability is

met with anger, disgust, condemnation, and threats if their "choice"

is not immediately reversed.

Because they have already spent

years coming to grips with the inevitable, they know with inescapable

certainty this "choice" of which you speak is as much a part

of them as their gender, skin color, or I.Q. Two immovable objects have

collided and now, for the first time, a real "choice" has to

be made. Do they acquiesce and pretend to be straight in order for their

family and friends to find them acceptable once more? Or do they show

immense courage and personal integrity by being true to the way God has

made them?

Being fearful and so deep in

denial, some falsely believe that marriage will cure them of their curse.

Some remain faithful to their spouse, wondering what might have been.

Others are unfaithful, and must live with the guilt. And some of them,

unable to lead a double life, leave their spouse after bearing children,

leaving feelings of shame, betrayal, and hurt in their wake.

Others believe that because

the church has condemned them, then God must condemn them as well. Feeling

unworthy of love from family, friends and God, they engage in a life of

promiscuity, filled with deadly consequences. If the world, as you knew

it, looked at you with such contempt, how positive a contribution would

you feel you could make?

Fortunately, some have realized

that homosexuality and a meaningful relationship with God are not mutually

exclusive. Armed with their faith, they go about their lives making wonderful

contributions to this world. Many also build loving relationships with

a partner, whose stability and thoughtfulness would be the envy of many

straight marriages. And all of this is done in spite of our overwhelming

contempt and prejudice.

I believe there is a "choice"

when it comes to homosexuality. But it's your choice and not theirs. Are

you going to be the one to cast the first stone or be one of the blessed

peacemakers? Are you going to quote one ancient Levitical law, while ignoring

all the others that pertain to you, or are you going to love your neighbor

as yourself? Are you wondering, "Where is God's perfection in a person

who is gay or lesbian?" Perhaps the perfection that God seeks is

in the way you treat the homosexual person.

In every religion, they speak

of justice, mercy, and compassion. Those lofty concepts are not just some

vague abstractions to which we should all, someday, aspire, because any

time those high ideals are missing in our society, real pain is caused

to real people. And your choice is to search yourself and discover, whether

or not you have prejudice in your heart that is causing harm to another

human being. And then your choice will be, "What would God want me

to do with this prejudice?"

Jeff Ellis

Fayetteville

www.familyacceptance.com

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