The article

he referred to was titled, "Seniors Say Sex Still Important To Them."

"Some

of the people quoted in this article are in their seventies," John

said, as Connie's husband, Tom, came through the back door, asking, "Find

out where they are?"

Who are they?

They are Frank

Sullivan and Regina Parma, a widow and widower in their sixties, who found

each other after two years of widowhood. One, happily married for forty-two

years, and on the verge of suicide, the other repenting forty-two years

of a different marriage of subjugation and abuse.

Frank and Regina

are the principal characters in "A Second Journey," (Highbridge

Press), a first novel by 75-year-old John A. Chestara, whose story not

only addresses an issue that many seniors are reluctant to openly discuss

dating and their sexual desires when they find themselves alone in later

life but puts it within a romantic tale of second love and the journey

these two seniors embark upon.

"Are Dolly

and Al, are they..." Connie, Frank's daughter, started to ask. "At

their age?" A dubious look came over her face.

And why not

a dubious look? A society that reveres youthful good looks largely expects

that older people should be asexual, and not interested in sex. Beauty,

physical attractiveness, and sex, belong to the young people. Mom and

dad? Grandma and grandpa? They should act their age.

Far too many

elderly believe that. Society says so. But it should be otherwise.

In a nationwide

study about the sexuality of persons 65 and older, by Mark Clements Research,

for Parade magazine, in 1996, it was reported that the happiest seniors

are those who are sexually active. Findings that are supported by other

researchers (Mayo Clinic Health Letter, 1993) citing the "use it

or lose it" recommendation about continuing regular sexual activity

in life.

As more adults

of the Baby Boomer generation progress toward their sixties and seventies,

they should know that their sexual expresssion can be a positive aspect

of their lives and that there is no upper age limit for healthy sexual

function or satisfaction.

A long-term

study on all aspects of the aging process, conducted under the sponsorship

of the National Institute of Aging the Massachusetts Male Aging Study

found that while sexual activity slows down when seen in biological terms,

and may be interpreted as a normal aspect of aging, they are sometimes

precursors of health problems. And many of those can be erased or moderated

through medical treatment, thereby improving sexual responses. Many problems,

in fact, have already been obliterated by new knowledge and advanced medical

developments like Viagra. In China, Viagra is called Weige, meaning "mighty

brother." But even Viagra may not solve all problems, and some of

them, many believe, are not important anyhow.

Dr. Richard

J. Cross, professor emeritus at Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, in

New Jersey, still active as a teacher of young physicians-to-be, asks:

"Do older men and women really want pretend procreation? No! What

they want is closeness, exciting touch, recognition that sexual interest,

desire, and activity last throughout life and need to be adapted in new

ways as biology slows them down in later years."

And this seems

to have more than a grain of truth in it. As one senior put it, "Young

people have sex, we make love."

Advice columnist

Ann Landers asked her female readers: "Would you be content to be

held close and treated tenderly and forget about the 'act'?" Seventy-two

percent of the readers who responded said "Yes!" And almost

50 percent of those were under the age of forty.

Fears, anxieties,

troubled relationships with a partner, lack of knowledge about health

status, and frequently the inability to understand emotions, or to even

express them, play a very big role in perceived troubles. And especially

those factors pertaining to health which can be ameliorated. But first,

Seniors must know.

A survey of

1,000 Australian men and women between 65 and 93 years of age found that

62 percent were not aware of the adverse effects that both prescription

medicines, and such emotional illnesses as depression, can have on a person's

sex drive. More than one-third of the respondents recognized that sexual

activity could have important physical and mental health benefits. Two

of the study's authors, Prof. Victor Minichiello and David Plummer, urged

Australians to combat this form of ageism by "treating older people

as sexual beings."

Debora Demeter,

in her paper, Sex And The Elderly, when citing psychological and social

factors of elderly sex, defines it as 'ageism' and says it prevails. And,

consequently, many older adults who are sexually active and have a sexual

desire, find it difficult to follow society's expectations, that guilt

and anxiety could compel older adults to conform to these expectations.

"When

a woman begins menopause and can no longer bear children, should her sex

life be over too?" she asks. "When older men show the same kind

of sexual interest as younger men, should they be labled dirty old men?"

It's safe to

say that women, just because they can no longer bear children, do not

have to accept that along with aging ovaries, their sex lives are over.

And these men do not have to accept the label of "dirty old men."

In both groups are many people who just want to lead full and vital lives,

and are not ready to be relegated to a convent or a monastery, and certainly

not to a rocking chair on the front porch.

But these older

adults, who are still, or want to be, sexually active, may find it difficult

to conform to society's mores. Some shrug off guilt and anxiety, but many

cannot be open about their sexual attitudes and beliefs.

In her article

in the Register, Ms. Haas cites a Seniors Lifestyle Survey prepared for

Secure Horizons, a Medicare health maintenance organization, which found

that "sex ranks right up there with with meat and potatoes as a 65-plus

staple. Seventy-seven percent of the older crowd said sex is as important

to them as it is to younger people. And romance? Eighty-four percent said

romance is still important in their lives."

One woman,

when asked if she married for companionship, answered: "Well, yes,

that and everything else. Yes. Everything."

If you believe

that most older people want and are able to lead active, satisfying sex

lives, you will also know they probably did so by coping with the physical

changes of normal aging. And have probably learned that when problems

do occur they should not be viewed as inevitable, but rather the result

of disease, disability, prescription drug reactions, or emotional upset

requiring medical care and treatment.

Diabetes, which

can cause impotence in men, can be controlled and potency may be restored.

Stroke rarely damages sexual function.

Arthritis joint

pain may limit sexual activity, but surgery and/or drugs, and a program

of rest, exercise, and warm baths, as well as changes in position and

timing of sexual activity, can be helpful. Medicines such as antidepressants,

tranquilizers, and certain high blood pressure drugs, can cause partial

or full impotence. Other drugs can lead to no ejaculate in men and reduced

sexual desire in women, but doctors can often prescribe a drug with less

detrimental sexual effects when told it is important that he or she does.

Hysterectomy,

when performed correctly, does not harm sexual functioning of women and

neither does a mastectomy. Both may require counselling to get over the

hang-ups, and this includes men who consider their partners less feminine

after either surgical procedure.

Yes, some changes

are inevitable, but, if truth be known, older couples have the same problems

that affect people of any age. Even emotional problems, which commonly

affect older men due to fatigue, tension, illness, drugs, or alcohol,

can make a man temporarily impotent, but potency will usually return by

itself unless he continues to worry about it, which may continue his impotence

because of his fears. A self-fulfilling prophecy: worry about performance

will usually result in inadequate performance. That's just how the mind

seems to work.

When it's working

properly, some call the mind the greatest aphrodisiac. But to benefit,

seniors, both men and women, must dispel the three most prevalent myths:

That they are not sexually desirable, that they are not sensually desirous,

or that they are not capable of this most important part of living in

their later years.

They are, or

they can be, as Frank and Regina: "As they kissed again, they felt

their blood moving through their veins, their nerve endings tingling,

their muscles vibrating, and their chests swelling. And for one long moment

they were young and vibrant, and lost in a dream." They know they

are alive, and still have complete lives to live.

Many studies

have shown that most older people want and are able to have an active,

satisfying sex life, just as do most young people. They may have to accomplish

it with more patience, more understanding, and more improvisation, but,

even then, most sexual problems, medical people say, can, to a large degree,

be corrected. What's more difficult for seniors to overcome are the mental

hang-ups.

Listen to Regina

and Frank after a passionate moment in "A Second Journey," when

her "body seemed to melt into his and Frank could feel her tremors

enter his body as she kissed him as hard as he kissed her:

'Frank, you

make me feel like I felt when I was a young girl.'

'Be a young

girl, Regina. We can both be as young as we want to be.'"

GenXers might

smirk; Baby Boomers, on their way, may appreciate the news; and Grandma

and Grandpa might just smile.

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