Chestnuts roasting, sleigh

bells ringing, children smiling, choirs singing, tree lights gleaming

­ with all the excitement of joy to the world, who could possibly

be heavy-hearted this Christmas? Christmas is a great time, isn't it?

For many people, Christmas

is a merry occasion filled with delight and good cheer. For others, it's

the most difficult season of the year. The "blues" hit at Christmas

worse than any other time, especially for those who have lost loved ones

since last Christmas.

Those who have lost significant

relationships are among the most vulnerable people to a holiday struggle,

according to John Cain, director of counseling and testing at William

Jewell College in Liberty, Missouri.

Death, divorce, breaking up

with a girlfriend or boyfriend, or even having a child away who cannot

make it home for Christmas can leave a person at risk.

"This is a time of increased

stress," Cain pointed out. "Yet there is the general expectation

that the Christmas season should make people jolly, joyous and generous.

Television with its glittering holiday specials and commercial pitches

feeds the process of setting up unrealistic expectations."

It's hard for your spirits

to be "up on the housetop" when in reality you're down in the

dumps. It's not fair to yourself to pretend everything is O. K. when it's

not. Struggling with Christmas or battling the holiday blues doesn't make

you a bad person. It must means that you're still hurting or working through

a significant loss. Possibly you're still in grief.

Life is not a Christmas card

that pictures a scene of Christmas perfection. The early chapters of Matthew

and Luke bear that out. Even though that first Christmas was a joyous

experience because Jesus was born, the occasion was still a struggle for

some.

Think about Mary and Joseph

working through her unexpected and out-of-marriage pregnancy. Then taking

that trip to Bethlehem to pay taxes at that late stage of expecting a

child had to bring stress. Being human, surely there had to be temporary

strain on that relationship.

Look at Zacharias, the priest,

and his wife Elizabeth. Because of his unbelief that God could provide

them a child even in her old age, he lost his ability to speak. How tough

it must have been for a worship leader to lose his ability to speak and

lead God's people in worship.

Reflect on King Herod. Because

of extreme paranoia, he shed innocent blood as he slaughtered every boy

two years old and younger in and around Bethlehem. We often overlook the

fact that people lost children when baby Jesus was born. We have to remind

ourselves that baby Jesus was born into a cruel world, and in a cruel

world, not everyone has a merry Christmas.

Do you find yourself struggling

this Christmas? How do you face the holidays realistically and with integrity?

Here are some suggestions:

Accept God's love and allow

God to love you this Christmas. Remember, Immanuel (God with us) came

to us at Christmastime. Open your life to God's comforting presence, and

watch for reminders that He is with you.

Stay busy and active, but

don't overdo it. Say no when you need to. If you don't feel like going

to that holiday party at the last moment, then don't.

Do things for others. Finding

ways to give yourself away is always good therapy. Christmas is a time

for giving and sharing of ourselves. Look for ways to bring good cheer

to others.

Contribute to the needy. There

are those in worse shape than we are, and they really do need your help

if they are to have any Christmas at all.

Talk about how you feel with

someone you trust. Let your feelings out. Use those tear ducts when you

need to. Talk about the loved one you lost and say their name often.

Don't set unrealistic expectations

and set yourself up for a big let-down. Take the season one day at a time.

Do something for yourself

that gives you a change of pace or change of scenery.

Keep your focus on the spiritual.

Remember, the reason for Christmas is that God sent His son to be the

Savior of the World. In spite of how we feel, Christmas is about Jesus

coming to our needy world. Thank God for Jesus.

Dr. David L. Chancey is pastor

of McDonough Road Baptist Church in Fayetteville. Visitors are welcome

to join them this Sunday for Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship at 10:55

a.m.

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