It's that time of year again,

so as you gather your dysfunctional family together, as we all do, here

are a few Christmas carols you might be singing.

I have matched the familiar

Christmas song with the very familiar mental illness. (It seems as though

I have heard some of these before, somewhere, but I know I made some of

them up!)

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear

What I Hear?

Gender confusion syndrome:

We Wish You a "Mary" Christmas.

Multiple personality disorder:

We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

Gender confusion multiple personality

disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home

for Christmas.

Adolescent fabrication disorder:

I Saw Mommie Kissing Santa Claus.

Manic jealous syndrome: Who

is This Santa Claus You are Kissing?

Chemical dependency: Angels

I Have Heard While High.

Narcissistic: Hark the Heralds

Angels Sing About Me.

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls

and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars

and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and....

Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming

to Get Me.

Passive-aggressive personality:

You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You

Why...

Addiction disorder: The Twelve

Steps of Christmas.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder:

Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,

Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock....

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at www.ebilly.net.]