If you haven't heard, the Harry

Potter movie comes out Nov. 16. I hear that there are these books out

or something that led to the movie. Frankly, I gave up reading when "Mad"

magazine started going downhill after the Star Wars parody of '78. "Harry

Potter," though, has been so popular that I have been thinking about

finding out if we have a library or not and checking out a copy.

The real reason that I want

to become informed on Harry Potter, is because of the coming controversy.

After all, isn't Harry a card-carrying, dyed-in-wolf, devil worshiper?

Faster than you can snitch your Quidditch, the flames are gonna be fanned

again concerning the witch/warlock angle found in the H.P. stories.

That's why I am calling for

a boycott of the movies. Well, not all the movies everywhere, all the

time; just the first showing at Tinselstown 17 on opening day. I have

five people to get into the movie and I don't need the pressure of fighting

a large crowd.

I love a witch hunt, and this

one looks to be a literal one. Somewhere in the mid-'80s when America

lost its sense of humor (not coincidentally, the debut season of "Full

House"!?) people seemed to start finding fault with every thing fun.

The Harry Potter series has not been spared. As soon as the books became

wildly popular, the attacks started. With the wizardry, warlock and witchcraft

subject matter, people started raising red flags and concerns. Our children's

minds are at stake!

It seems like a trip to the

reference section to look up the definition of "fiction" would

help people out. I don't know a Hedwig from a Hagrid, but I know the stories

aren't real and they simply written to excite the imaginations of children

everywhere. I guess that is the problem. Some people must have a problem

distinguishing between fact and fiction. So, in an effort to help people

learn the difference and to have a little fun, here is a primer.

Fact: Thousands laid off from

Delta Airlines. Fiction: Dagwood Bumstead gets fired because his dog eats

his boss's hat.

Fact: Bill Gates unveils Windows

XP. Fiction: Willy Wonka unveils Oompa Loompa.

Fact: Rudy Giuliani is a real

American hero. Fiction: Cow from "The Far Side" drives a tractor

and plays chess.

Fact: OJ is ruled innocent.

Fiction: OJ is innocent.

Fact: The Arizona Diamondbacks

win the world series. Fiction: The Atlanta Braves, the finest team in

baseball, are due to win it all next year.

I totally believe in monitoring

a child's input, whether it be books, TV, or movies, but we can go overboard

in our quest to appear a little more pious. A good 20-minute discussion

over the content of any of the Harry Potter books will suffice in keeping

our children from joining Wicca or NOW. Nevertheless, you can bet your

Nimbus 2000 that plenty will find their way to our local news stations,

come opening day. I say Hogwarts to all of them, yet I still hope the

brouhaha keeps the first showing sparse enough to accommodate my brood.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://ebilly.net.]