I do not own

a cell phone. I am free.

There are times

when no one can reach me and I like that. My time is my time and I don't

have to share it with anybody if I don't want to. I don't need people

calling me while I'm browsing in a book store and I don't want to call

anybody when I'm dining out, no matter how fantastic the meal is.

Some of you

are probably wondering how I have held out this long. You're probably

asking yourself, "What does he do if he gets a flat tire in the middle

of the night on a deserted road," or "What if he can't remember

the name of the video that his cousins wanted for Christmas?" The

answer is I don't know, but I'm sure if those occasions arise, I'll figure

it out. The possibility of those situations happening are not enough for

me to subscribe to this national desire to be constantly connected.

I had to use

my wife's cell phone the day before we got married. There were a number

of friends coming in from out of town that would need to reach me and

I needed to be accessible for at least a few hours that evening. I hated

wearing that thing. There were several times that somebody's phone went

off and I thought it was mine. There were also the times that my friend

played the stereo too loud and I couldn't tell if the phone had rung or

not.

I was getting

repetitive stress disorder from constantly looking at that aberration

on my hip. I was quite happy to turn the phone back in to my wife that

evening. I haven't picked it up since.

I don't want

to be associated with the constant cell phone users. They are creepy.

They will use it whenever and wherever they please. You see people use

them at the grocery store, yelling, because the reception is never quite

good enough, "Which antacid medicine do you like better, Harry, 'Bye-Bye

Burny' or 'Fire B-Gon'? What? What?" Or even worse at the movies.

"Yeah, I'm watching that movie 'Rat Race.' Huh? Yeah, It's kind of

funny. I don't know. Hold on. (laughs) That was a good part. A cow just

hit the windshield of a bus."

However, we

all know the worst place that people use the phone is their cars. Listen

up, folks, it does affect your driving skills and chances are you weren't

that great of a driver to begin with. Last week, I saw a girl driving

with the phone in one hand and a cigarette in the other hand. She was

using the two-finger method of driving. Needless to say, I pulled ahead

of her and never looked back.

Many people

have realized the danger that they have put themselves and others in and

have started to use the hands free system for their cell phones. Users

put a headphone in their ear and then talk into a tiny microphone. If

you saw someone wearing a headphone and talking to the air about two years

ago you would have thought that person was a crazy street person. Now,

it's the rage. Everybody can walk around having constant conversations,

never bothering to pay attention to their surroundings or maybe have a

conversation with somebody in person.

I realize that

no one is going to stop using cell phones. They can be very useful and

some people, like doctors, need them for their jobs. I'm sure there will

be occasions where even I will put aside my contempt for the machine and

use it to order Chinese food on my way home from a Braves game or something.

I'm not saying that you should throw your cell phones away, but have some

decency and use them in the privacy of your own home.

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