Along with a fine son, I am

blessed to have three wonderful, beautiful, talented daughters (do I sound

like a proud father, or what?).

When our first was born, we

liked the name Rebecca. Then we liked Rachel for our second girl. That

was a good biblical name. Then when our third daughter came along we decided

to stick with the biblical "R" names and went with Ruth.

When we were expecting our

fourth child we found ourselves in a bind. If we had a boy, he would be

Jonathan. That was our choice for a boy's name all along since I liked

that Jonathan and David relationship in scripture. If we had a girl, and

we were to stay biblical and follow our "R" precedent, then

we could choose from Rhoda, Rizpah, or Rahab. Rhoda was the girl who answered

Peter's knock at the door upon his release from prison in Acts 12, Rizpah

was a concubine, and Rahab was a prostitute. Not much of a choice, so

when Jonathan came along, he bailed us out.

When dating came along, we

entered a new stage in raising daughters. We established ground rules

and curfews. "Nobody else's parents imposed rules and curfews,"

but we did anyway. It's not that we don't trust our girls. We're just

concerned about those boys. That's why I was so relieved when the "dad's,

daughters and dating kit" came along. This handy kit makes it so

much easier to get to know the boys that call on our daughters.

Maybe you use something like

this. The kit begins with an "Application for Permission to Date

My Daughter." After securing the usual name, address, phone number,

etc. the essay questions begin:

- In 50 words or less,

what do the words "don't be late" mean to you?

- In 50 words or less,

what does "don't touch my daughter" mean to you?

- In 50 words or less,

what does "wait until marriage" mean to you?

The application continues with

questions like "How often do you attend church?" and "When

is the best time to interview your mother, father, pastor, last girlfriend's

parents?" Another question is "What is your preferred dating

activity: walk in park, watch a school play, or miniature golf?"

The application closes with

the requirement to attach a complete police record and latest academic

transcript and a note: "Please allow four to six years to process."

Along with the application,

the kit includes "Daddy's Rules of Dating," which you can adapt

to your own situation. Just present these to the guy when he picks up

your daughter so he'll clearly understand your expectations:

If you pull into my driveway

and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're not picking

anything up.

You do not touch my daughter

in front of me. You may glance at her, as long as you don't peer below

her neck. Just look into her beautiful eyes.

If you choose to wear your

trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips, that

is your fashion business. However, if you show up at my door with half

of your boxers showing, I will gladly take my electric nail gun and fasten

your trousers securely to your waist before you leave so your clothes

will not fall off during your date with my daughter. Just trying to help.

I'm sure you're enlightened

and know all about birth control. You've probably heard of barrier methods

and studied today's health concerns. Just understand, if you get any ideas

about my daughter, realize I'm the barrier and your continued healthiness

should be a grave concern.

As you stand around waiting

for my daughter to appear and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and

fidget. Just understand my daughter is putting on her makeup, or curling

her hair, or doing her nails, or something that can take longer than painting

the Golden Gate bridge. Instead of standing there, just do something useful

with the time, like changing the oil in my car.

Understand that if this date

evolves into "going out," you are not to break up with my daughter

because that will make her cry. However, it is her prerogative to break

up with you at anytime.

Finally, the following places

or things are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: wherever there

are sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; wherever there is darkness,

dancing, or soft music; movies with mush or strong romantic themes; and

any parking lot. Why not just take her to visit the nursing home?

Finally, do not lie to me or

mess with me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-age dimwit,

but when it comes to dating my daughter, I am the sovereign ruler of your

universe. And don't you forget it!

The Rev. Dr. David L. Chancey

is pastor, McDonough Road Baptist Church, 352 McDonough Road in Fayetteville.

The church family welcomes you to Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship

at 10:55 a.m. this Sunday).

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