The battle over which animal

is better, the cat or the dog, is as old as time, or at least as old as

jokes about how George W. Bush is so dumb. Some people are cat people,

some people are dog people. Rarely is anyone, other than a naive child,

both.

Whether you like cats or dogs,

tells a lot about your personality. I am pretty sure Ted Bundy and Jeffrey

Dahmer both had poodles as children (Jeffrey had his with Heinz 57). I

am personally a cat lover but, that won't color my thoughts here at all.

I am sure the war began way

back with Adam, there in the garden. He would get sick of Eve ignoring

him and treating her kitty like a child. Adam, meanwhile, was thinking,

"On what day was this vermin created? The Lord must have had some

spare parts left from the crocodile, and the pussy willow tree to create

such a schizophrenic fur ball. Eve dotes over him like a soft cuddly child,

and I get near and the thing turns into Siamese the Hun."

Adam, on the other hand, was

obviously a dog lover, coming home from a long day tilling the soil by

the sweat of his brow. What man wouldn't want to be greeted by a fun-loving,

affectionate partner who could relate to the desire to eat constantly,

sleep 14 hours a day and have someone rub his belly until his leg shook.

In the history of the world,

the Egyptians were known to worship cats. The cat represented everything

regal and royal. Kings and queens set up the feline empire as all things

noble and stately. It is no accident either that Egypt's location made

it a literal sand box.

On the other hand, to see worship

of the dog, one would have to go no further than the rural town of Hog

Gulley, Alabama, to see Willie Lampier's "Temple of the Hound."

Personally, at my age I find

both pets irritating. I have had two of the greatest cats over the span

of my life, but even kitties can wear on your nerves. When I finally couldn't

take it anymore, I found a nice home for my Russian Blue at what I told

him was, "The Big Green Hotel with Weekly Pickup." (Well, at

least I didn't throw the cat into moving traffic!).

For every Tabby that scratches

the couch, there's a retriever that licks himself in front of company.

For every collie that sticks his nose where it's not supposed to go, there's

a Himalayan that raises his tail and claims some real estate.

The weirdness of cats and dogs

is only outdone by their owners. Until you have seen a an elderly woman

wearing matching sweaters with her Scottie, you have not seen insanity.

I have seen people kiss their dogs on the mouth and wear their cat like

a shawl.

In the movies, people can be

gunned down by the dozens, but it is totally against practice that any

animal should ever be killed on screen. Animals, many times, are truly

just a different form of "child" for people. Only, dogs and

cats are easier to housebreak.

The battle will wage on forever,

I guess, over cats and dogs and which is the better pet. For now I am

still trying to just housebreak my kids.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://www.ebilly.net.]