Hetu published

a comprehensive review of research on the effects of hearing loss on intimate

relationships. They summarized their findings:

"Intimate

relationships are very vulnerable to the effects of hearing impairment.

Both partners experience relatively strong antagonistic and sometimes

ambivalent feelings about the hearing difficulties; these feelings are

rarely shared, much less negotiated to develop mutually beneficial outcomes."

These findings

are not surprising. Communication is an interactive experience, one that

must be shared with others.

Among the conclusions

reported by Hetu:

"both

intimate partners may experience severe consequences if one has a hearing

impairment," and

"the

closer the relationship, the stronger is the impact of hearing difficulties

(on the relationship)."

Onset of the

loss

Hetu distinguished

between sudden hearing loss, which almost forces the patient to experience

a mourning process, and progressive hearing loss.

In cases of

progressive hearing loss by far the more common type awareness of the

hearing loss develops slowly, if at all.

Thus, "the

partners are tacitly involved in a process of coping with hearing difficulties

while they are becoming aware of them. Adjustment takes place before a

clear awareness of the impairment and its consequences emerges."

The adjustment

process

Several factors

interfere with accepting and adjusting to hearing loss:

Lack of internal

reference. Since hearing loss usually develops very gradually, there is

no clear internal reference to judge that one is not hearing as well as

previously: we don't know when we don't hear something!

When an individual

finally accepts that he or she may have a hearing loss, it is almost always

due to the encouragement (or complaints) of other people.

Blame. The

person with a hearing loss may violate social rules by talking too loudly,

turning TV volume too loud or complaining about people not speaking clearly.

When people complain or blame ("Are

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