Michael Boylan

was unable to write his column this week, so a special celebrity guest

columnist, who must remain unnamed due to contractual obligations, has

graciously stepped in.

Timothy

McVeigh is dead. My grandmother had a saying, "Good riddance

to bad rubbish." It applies very well in this situation, though she

usually directed it towards my grandfather.

On execution,

I believe in an eye for an eye. If you commit the crime, you should accept

the penalty. McVeigh accepted the penalty until he thought there was a

loophole in all those previously unreleased documents. Sorry, Tim. No

loophole when you confess to killing all those innocent people.

Art Linkletter

was right. Kids do say the darndest things.

Speaking of

nonsequiters, The Smothers Brothers have aged like fine wine.

I'm sticking

to my guns, Lakers in 5.

If you don't

have DSL yet, you are like the Flintstones in a Jetsons age. If only people

could travel on real highways at such a high speed and with as much control.

It is a joy not to have to wait to read Peter Gammons or Hunter

S. Thompson on Espn.com.

I wonder, though,

can Americans stand to get more impatient? I almost came to blows with

a rude young man behind me at the ice cream store. I always have hard

time deciding between so many fabulous flavors. The cookie dough ice cream

wasn't going anywhere. The ice cream vendors do have freezers to keep

the ice cream cold.

As for Hunter

S. Thompson , what a kook. they should hire him to speak at high schools

about the dangers of drug abuse. I suppose it wouldn't work too well.

He probably wouldn't make it through the metal detectors.

For my money,

Neil Diamond is a genius. I heard "America" over the

weekend and wept.

You want to

see a great movie? So do I. Shrek seemed to be missing something

and Eddie Murphy ' s bathroom shtick is wearing really thin.

I heard about

that terrible accident near Georgia 400 and 285 over the weekend.

Folks, let's be careful out there. If you can steer it, clear it. The

car is one place I would not want to die.

Whoever came

up with the idea of all you can eat buffets is both a genius and a monster.

My suspenders could tell you that.

Jenna Bush ,

listen up young lady. Thousands of college students drink underage and

never get caught. It's harder for you due to your high-profile father,

but just go to house parties and stay away from digital cameras.

Does anybody

miss "Survivor" as much as I do? I mean the rock group,

not the television series. I listen to "Eye of the Tiger" on

my stairmaster and can't help but get pumped up.

"Rocky III" was one of the best three movies in cinematic

history. Mr. T played Clubber Lang and throughout the movie I just couldn't

see Rocky beating him. It just goes to show what a little fire in the

belly can do for you.

I got a chance

to see a portion of the Azalea Estates beauty pageant a while back.

The contestants were beutiful in both body and spirit.

John Travolta

needs to leave the movies for awhile. He's 0 for 3 with Swordfish stinking

up the cinemas. We'll welcome him back with open arms in a few years.

Maybe when Quentin Tarantino gets off his duff and makes a new

film.

Congratulations

to Mike Boylan. I'll try to pop in on his wedding in July, but

I have to judge a jam contest in Orono, Me., that weekend. If you've never

tried blackberry and pear jam, you are truly missing out.

Mr. Boylan's

column will return next week.

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