The three biggest issues in

Peachtree City today are traffic, proposed capital expenditures, and the

looming blight on the extreme west side of town in the form of two unwanted

big box stores.

For a town that has done an

exemplary job of planning and managing the world's largest bubble up until

now, it seems lots of people these days are beginning to fear the unimaginable.

Through a series of mistakes

and maneuvers, a handful of people in the control room of local government

today have had such a swelling of ego and power that they have disturbed

the biosphere, and the bubble is threatening to burst. Miraculously though,

just like any good science fiction tale, there is hope if only the superheroes

can shut off the valve of pomp and circumstance in time to save the bubble.

The first crisis in our little

saga is relatively easy to solve. The multimillion dollar capital expenditure

package being proposed by the mayor of the bubble isn't necessary for

the survival of our biosphere.

Right off the top of my head,

I can't think of any other bubble that has its own cultural arts center.

Usually arts centers are shared by all of the inhabitants within one county.

Even though some of the inhabitants in our bubble haven't learned to share

spaces, it can be done.

I'm all for serving teens and

retirees, too, but people who live in a bubble with limited resources

need to practice conservation, especially in times when the atmosphere

outside of the bubble is threatening economic meltdown.

Why not use the gym at the

Kedron aquatic center as a teen center on weekend nights? Install a snack

bar, a few club lights, some sound equipment, and a DJ booth, and, voilà ,

a teen center. Have the same people who run the weekend club be available

at the center during the week to mentor, tutor, or play basketball with

teens. Most of the cost for staff and operation could be recouped over

time by charging admission on club nights.

This is a time when the bubble

is reaching capacity. We need to learn to live within our means now that

residential growth is slowing. It is a natural evolution in any biosphere

and simply requires that we switch gears a little from fast paced development

to finely tuned maintenance.

The second two crises are a

sci-fi double whammy. Traffic volume in the Ga. Highway 54 West corridor

is producing bubble-bursting noxious fumes and hot tempers among biosphere

residents. Developers who have promised to mitigate traffic problems caused

But the egos in the biosphere's

control room are making a HUGE mistake if they rush in to do the work

for them. The onus is on RAM development to repeat a full traffic study

now that their outer galactic Nov. 2, 2000, traffic mitigation plan has

expired.

As residents of the biosphere,

we appeal to mission control to abort the mission. Do nothing. Let RAM

fail their second traffic impact study all by themselves. Yes, we want

to improve the flow of traffic, but not in a way that enables the bubble-bursting

big box developer to be the author of our own demise.

Why not do some traffic mitigation

that helps the residents, but probably won't help RAM in passing their

traffic impact study? Take out the bulk of the median on Ga. Highway 74

southbound just north of Hwy. 54 and make two full lanes all the way up

to Pike's Nursery, with the left lane as an eastbound turn lane only.

Much of the traffic backup

there could be alleviated if people weren't taking up through lane space

for their chance to skirt into the tiny left turn lane.

Though we love the landscaping,

bubble residents would probably trade a few trees for better mobility.

Mission control could donate the uprooted trees and shrubs to local schools

who would appreciate the chance to beautify their environments. Parent

volunteers could install the trees for free.

As for RAM, by the time the

Department of Transportation widens Hwy. 54, maybe their contract with

Home Depot and Wal-Mart will have expired, too. Maybe they could replicate

the highly successful, bubble-enhancing development, The Avenue, on their

commercial property.

Let's see, how about Crate

and Barrel, Pottery Barn, Eddie Bauer, Gymboree, Laura Ashley, Barnes

and Noble and Old Navy? And for good measure, why not lure Forsyth Fabric

and The Cheesecake Factory? The evil RAM empire could be transformed in

to the corporate heroes of the biosphere, and the bubble people would

live happily ever after. The end.

And while we're spinning tales,

can't some entrepreneurial type convert the abandoned movie theater in

Westpark to a dollar movie house? During the school year, you could open

up on weekdays for a 9:30 a.m. movie and score big superhero points with

the mommy bubble people.

[Your comments are welcome

at: [email protected].]