There isn't much in life that

can be said to be true for everybody, but everybody is the child of somebody.

We're not talking biology here, either.

There's more to "expecting"

a child than a blue line on a test strip. To "expect" a child

is to tune in to a new state of being. For moms especially, having children

is like jumping on to a whole other racetrack with a whole new set of

wheels. And speaking of moms and wheels, this Sunday is Mother's Day.

Something you'll never see

on Mother's Day is a NASCAR race. That's because long ago some car genius

decided that we should devote a whole entire day to the appreciation of

the ultimate design Mom. Whether it's the highly efficient, fast-paced

pit stops, the finely tuned precision performance, or the sheer beauty

of their poetry and motion style, all good car buffs know when it comes

down to the basics in life, it doesn't get any better than Mom.

There are all sorts of moms,

but for our purposes here, and to spare my musings the editorial hatchet,

let's just say that there are three basic design prototypes. You won't

find these in any showroom, but keep your eyes open they're sure to turn

up at your neighborhood grocery, or at school or church.

Now that the weather is nice,

you'll see more of them outside, but if you want to see any of the convertible

ones with their tops down, you'll have to look elsewhere. Most moms gave

that up when the test strip turned blue. Be sure to get out on Sunday

and pay homage to the latest in Mom technology.

There's the Erma Bombeck model

which is designed to rear children using humor, sarcasm, and self-deprecation.

Lots of people have this type of mom.

She's the Ford LTD with the

faded, chipped paint who pulls along side you when it's pouring down rain

to ask you if you need a ride. She's the rusty old Cutlass who makes your

grilled cheese with a steam iron and aluminum foil. She's the oh so dependable

sedan of motherhood who noisily lurches up to you in all her glory to

give you a sloppy kiss almost daring you to be embarrassed by her unmuffled

exhaust.

She's the mom who always has

in her purse, or in her van, every imaginable first aid product, a snack

or drink for any hungry or thirsty soul, and a toy for every age group.

If you're wise, you'll hope it's in her purse, because if it's in her

van, it's probably on the floor.

She'll sing out loud, albeit

off-key. She can turn any sad time in to a happier time by making you

laugh out loud at life. She teaches you never to take yourself too seriously,

and to march to the beat of your own drummer. She'll teach you never to

judge a book by its cover, but by the content of its pages instead.

Another popular model is the

Martha Stewart mom. She's the Mercedes Benz of the mothering world. She

has front air bags, and the absolute latest in mom technology. She's the

kind of mom who sends cookies to school for the class party that are beautifully

designed and impeccably clever. Though fabricated in her own test kitchen,

they look like something right out of Car and Cookie magazine.

Her chassis is always clean

and polished to the highest sheen. She uses all natural materials, always

careful not to aesthetically pollute. She's the best in show every year

running. She's the envy of all the other moms who can never quite fathom

how she manages to keep her white carpet and leather interior looking

"straight from the manufacturer" new. She updates with new paint

even though there are no dings or scratches.

She'll teach you to have high

expectations for yourself and others. She'll tell you that, "If it's

a job worth doing, it's a job worth doing well." She'll teach you

that cleanliness is next to godliness, even though you'll think that surely

God can't be THAT clean.

The third, but most common,

mom design is the "I'm every woman," omnibus prototype. She's

a sport utility model. She's functional and roomy, and capable of hauling

extra loads in her fold-down extended rear cargo area. She has the "on-time"

navigational system that can go anywhere, and usually does in any given

week, whether it's off-road or on the highway.

She's got high mileage, but

never mind that. You wouldn't trade her for anything. She's worth way

more to you than anything you could get brand new. You've got history

together, fond memories. All of your first everythings are stored in this

model. She says that dings just give her character. She's the kind of

mom you can live in and grow old with.

So this Sunday while you're

not watching NASCAR, spend some time appreciating moms. Lots of folks

these days are complaining that there are too many cars causing too many

traffic jams and way too much pollution. The same will never be said of

moms. Moms put the wheels of our life in motion, and on the great road

of life, they're like a rock.

[Your comments are welcome

at: [email protected].]