Don't think that all teens

are about this or that. I am just one person, with a very personal take

on life. Don't blame me as an individual for some collective teen problem

that seems to exist in society.

Let me be my own person. Stop

looking to me to fulfill all the dreams that you had for yourself. Find

out what I like, and what I think, and ask me what I intend to do with

my brains and talents. You may have some great suggestions, and I'd be

a lot more apt to follow your advice if you helped me to figure things

out for myself, rather than just telling me what to do.

I need some help in setting

long-term academic and career goals, but don't turn me off with a lot

of "when you're in the workforce" lectures. Do tell me things

like, "Try to find a job that you love doing and one that makes you

happy and pays the bills." That's some real advice that I

can use.

I need to know why you make

the decisions you do. I know it gets annoying, and it's much easier to

say, "Because I said so," but try to give an explanation when

you can. I promise to work on arguing with you when I don't like what

you say, but will you promise to at least listen to my views? I know I'm

stubborn, and I don't have the experience that you do with "how the

world is," but tell me some good things about the world, too, sometimes,

because if you don't I'll be scared a lot and won't sleep well.

Don't go on and on about how

you don't like my friends. It hurts my feelings, and makes me want to

keep them a secret. Instead, why don't you invite them over and get to

know them better. If you still don't like them, at least you'll have some

concrete reasons why. When I'm older, I'll probably come to see that you

were right, but right now, just watch over me and try to let me figure

some of these things out myself. But please step in if you think I'm really

going to get hurt, because that's why I'm depending on, even though I

won't like you much when you do.

Hug me, massage my tense shoulders,

and pat me on the back every now and then. I may look at you like you're

nuts, but it still feels good when you reach out to me. I'll never admit

it, but I miss the days when I used to run into your arms after a long

day. Hugging you reminds me that I'm home.

Don't embarrass or humiliate

me. I'm not very secure as it is, and when you talk about embarrassing

things I did to your friends, it makes me mad and sad all at the same

time. It makes me feel like you've betrayed me, and then I don't want

you to know very much about me after that.

Please be consistent. I need

to know what the rules are today and for the rest of the year, too. I

need to know what is expected of me at school and at home. I'll probably

still forget to do stuff sometimes, but at least I'll know that I'm in

trouble because I screwed up, not because no one told what I was supposed

to do.

If you're going to make up

new rules, try to tell me what they are before I've done something

wrong. It helps me to "think on my feet" better if something

comes up that doesn't look like such a good idea.

Please don't get all flipped

out when I'm moody and pouty and snap everybody's head off. Sometimes

I don't know what comes over me. Mostly I feel really stupid afterwards

anyway, so there's not much else you can add that will drive that point

home any further. I'm trying to get control of my emotions. Please be

patient with me, and try not to lose control of yours. Then I'm really

confused. When we're both freaked out, we usually say a lot of stuff we

don't mean, and that feels bad. It probably feels bad for you, too.

And what I'm about to say it

true, but don't ever ask me to admit it, or rub my nose in it later on.

Don't ever say, "Remember when you said to me..." because that

makes me feel about one inch tall. But here goes.

I need you to set limits for

me. I need you to make me work for things. I need to know what it's like

to really want something, and be willing to work hard to get it. I need

to pay for my own mistakes. I don't really need you to come rushing in

and take up for me all the time. I need to learn to stand up for myself.

Most of all, I just need you

to love me and stand by me whatever happens in the next few years. There

is so much in my life that I can't predict or control, I need to know

that you love me even when I'm not a very nice person, or when I get bad

grades, or when I haven't done anything you asked me to do.

Hey, and thanks for being my

parents. I have a feeling that when I grow up and have kids, I'll probably

be a lot like you, but if I am, don't say, "I told you so."

[Your comments are welcome

at: [email protected].]