Last week Professor

David Roadcup of Atlanta Christian College invited me to a focus group

meeting concerning the future orientation of Promise Keepers (PK). Professor

Roadcup is a member of Promise Keepers' International Board of Reference.

What was so significant about the focus group was not what I had to contribute

but what I learned.

The group was

led by Dr. Ray Mitsch, a full time staffer for PK from Colorado, charged

with the responsibility of developing materials and strategies which can

be effectively used by the church to disciple men.

One of the

chief components of PK has been its strong encouragement that every man

should be involved in some sort of accountability group. An accountability

group consists of two, three or four men who gather regularly in person,

is going.

Women, perhaps

their struggles, guilt, and actually want to hear how other women handle

the tough situations and still remain Christ-like.

Men are far

different. Though men are not from Mars, we often act like we are from

some other planet. It's tough for men to open up. It's tough for men to

share their inner most fears and their inner most struggles. One of the

most popular behaviors that most men feel comfortable sharing with other

men is the act/thought thing of lust. After all, did not Jimmy Carter

confess that he often "lusted" in his heart?

You might say

that "lust" is a pretty safe sin for men to confess to one another.

Why, all healthy, full-bloodied men lust, don't we?

Of course,

there's the sin of the love of money a sin which men fairly easily confess

to their accountability partners, prompting continual follow-ups, "Are

you giving God first place in your finances?" To which, the other

accountability partner may respond, "Well, I'm on my way. I know

I am still robbing God, but since most everybody else is doing it, I don't

feel too bad."

Accountability,

however, has its taboo subjects except for the men who dare go where no

one else goes. Masturbation is a significant problem among men, but no

one wants to confess to it because it was supposed to go out with puberty.

Not so. Non-signed surveys indicate that far too many Christian men retreat

to the stronghold of masturbation, fueled by pornography, when things

get tough around the office and home.

But, what accountability

partners are asking that question? So, at best, accountability partners

become a system of management of safe sins. That is, far the vast numbers

of such partners men and women.

PK has been

discovering that since accountability partners foster the power of sin,

through the implementation of the law, that it has evolved into simple

sin managements. "Bob, how many sins did you commit today? Well,

that's better than last week. Praise God."

What PK has

been learning is that accountability partners must be expanded to center

and focus on God's grace, as well as God's expectations. After all the

Christian life, as my New Testament Professor Frank Stagg put it, is about

gift and demand. Unfortunately, in our partnerships, we've focused on

God's law, His demands, and His expectations with little focus on God's

grace. Did not the Apostle Paul teach us in Galatians that if we refocus

on the law after coming to faith by grace through Jesus Christ, we have

fallen from grace (Galatians 5:4)?

So, let me

challenge you men, especially you who are in accountability groups, to

think long and hard how would it sound like and look like if relationships

were based on grace. Let me give you an example: Bob is talking to Bill,

"Bill I know you've shared with me your struggle with lust. Let me

encourage you to think today about how much God loves you, how much you

love your wife, and how much she loves you. Because of your love for her,

I know there's nothing you wouldn't do for her and she's already demonstrated

she will stand by you through any kind of adversity. By the way, Bill,

I love you and I am going to pray that you'll get a vision of the love

of God, the love of your wife, and the love your wife has for you."

Question: does

that sound different from, "Hey, Bill, how many times did you look

at a women with lust today?"

Paul says that

when we live by the law, we fall from grace. But when we live by grace,

we are full of the grace of God that allows us to act in forgiving, encouraging,

and very loving way.

Just to set

you on notice: there's a paradigm shift coming in accountability relationships.

Why not get a head start?

The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher is pastor

of River's Edge

Community Church in Fayetteville.

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