Egotism seems to be the norm

for the day, as I look around in the world. It seems everyone is starting

a magazine and naming it after herself. It started with "Martha Stewart

Living," then Oprah Winfrey started "O the Oprah Magazine"

and Rosie O'Donnell started "rosie." The latest in the batter

of eponymous publications is "mary-kateandashley" magazine.

Rosie and the Olsen twins didn't capitalize their names in their magazines,

I guess in mock humility.

Self-love among celebrities

is nothing new; many have had restaurants named after themselves, or bars,

or even clothing lines, yet, these vanity projects surely show how these

stars simply can't see the forest for the mirrors. This is also just further

evidence that a lot of women (and girls) will buy anything with a glossy

cover and a list of bulleted self-help tips.

It was bad enough that for

eons women have been sinking billions into magazines that feature models

with superhuman faces and bodies and then try to live to that standard.

Women with freakishly beautiful, airbrushed shapes and complexions have

been set as the standard and there seems to be this whole market of masochistic

females who feel the need to find reasons to make themselves feel fat,

dumpy, pale and devoid of any and all exotica through the purchase of

these magazines. Not to mention the psychological tests in these magazines

that would surely show them that every man they ever knew was the dregs

of the species.

So, now, is it better that

we have these magazines that feature these "normal" women giving

normal tips? Like the feature that had Rosie giving pointers on how to

set up a nice craft space in your basement. Even taking it for granted

that every woman has 1,500 square feet of free space in her basement,

who can spare the $50,000 to build it? Oh, well, at least there hasn't

been a Celine Dion magazine yet on child-rearing.

None of the ladies mentioned

above could hold a candle to the ego of Jennifer Lopez. Changing her name

recently to J Lo has really shot her up the self-regard-o-meter. First

of all, we need to make a rule. No one should be able to double their

popularity just because they showed up semi-nude on an awards show. Celebrity

should never measured by the size of one's derriere or lack of one's clothes.

But, I guess it is.

Speaking of the name game,

Puff Daddy held a press conference to announce his name change to P Diddy,

because now "Puff Daddy" has a negative connotation because

of his involvement in the New York shooting spree. Poor O.J. If only it

had been so easy for him, we who have O Simpy. Which brings to mind the

forefather of the short verse rap, O Henry.

These days, I don't know if

I should jump on the bandwagon and try to start my own magazine or just

give myself a name change. I sort of like "B Muffy" or "Murf

Billy." Or maybe I can just start a real guy's magazine called "Bill."

But I wouldn't put a bunch of buff good-looking men all over the pages;

I'd use the same hot super models they put in the women's magazines. I

would, of course, have to add the typical self-help tips features like,

"How to grease a bait-casting reel," or "Balancing her

romantic and emotional needs and your need for ESPN and Cheetos."

Who knows? It might work. "B Mu" signing out.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at www.ebilly.net.]