I met her at seminary, five

years ago, in what we Catholics call a holy hour - an hour spent

in prayer, adoring, thanking and praising God for all his great and glorious

gifts, not the least of which is our life and our salvation, Jesus Christ.

Being far from home, just three miles below the Mason-Dixon Line, it was

just as comforting to be in the presence of my God as it was to hear her

beautiful Southern lilt warming up the worship hymns filling the homely

chapel where we gathered. She was young, beautiful and full of the life

and joy of the Holy Spirit, and her voice and mannerisms brought to mind

all that I missed and longed for in my Southern roots.

Soon enough we had become close friends.

She was from Sumter, S.C., a town spared the ravages of the Union armies,

rich in the traditions of stately homes with large porches and tree-lined

streets. Her boyfriend had followed her from there to Mount Saint Mary's

College, which shared campus and facilities with Mount Saint Mary's

Seminary, where I was enrolled.

They were a wonderful pair, longtime sweethearts who knew each other's

every thought, and shared a common faith and vision in life. They were

famous on campus not only for their frequent attendance at holy hours,

but also for the talks on chastity and virginity they would give to high

school youth in the area.

But something happened on the way to heaven, so the song goes, and they

went their separate ways, aching in their hearts, knowing how difficult

it would be to discover again so special, so holy a companion in this

sexually disordered world.

Last fall I got a call from Hilary. "I've met this guy ... and

I think he's the one! We're coming to town and I'd like

you to meet him. Can you make some time?"

Could I make some time? I love this girl like a sister, for I see Christ

in her every thought, word and action. One of God's most innocent

creatures, and now, having just completed her healing from this painful

chapter, she's ready to settle on the first thing that comes along

and wants me to validate this?!

The news got worse; he was a West Point graduate, helicopter pilot, finishing

training at Ft. Rucker, Ala. Being the son of a Navy pilot and knowing

what the training atmosphere at most bases is, I thought with Nathaniel,

can anything good come out of Rucker? Needless to say, a follow-up call

and protection was about to be undone by some upstart serviceman, had

me in full prime to head this guy off at the pass.

But I had plenty of reason to pause. First, Hilary is still a level-headed,

Christ-centered woman. After graduating last May, she took a job teaching

an abstinence-based chastity program to inner city high schools in Philadelphia,

not the easiest thing for a petite Southern young lady to do. Secondly,

a Godly friend of mine at seminary, another West Point graduate who was

called by God to the chaplain corps from the mine detonation corps, had

introduced them. Finally, she still respected and desired my opinion before

allowing herself to be fully given over to him.

So we arranged to meet, and had dinner in the Newnan Applebee's.

She was more bubbly and alive than I had ever remembered; he was quiet

and studious, while given to break out spontaneously in warm, slow smiles.

There was a definite peace there, as we bowed our heads to pray. In a

few minutes, he excused himself to the restroom (it had been a long, three-hour

drive), and she took the opportunity to share a beautiful moment with

me.

It had happened a few days before. They were on a date when they began

to discuss and then read the Bible. As time passed he grew silent, and

she looked up to find tears in his eyes. Asking him what was the matter,

he responded with a gentle kiss on the lips. Stunned, she sat back as

he quietly informed her that she was the first girl he had ever kissed.

"Then why did you?" she asked. "Because you are the one

I've been waiting for," he replied.

An Army pilot, rough and tough, athletic virgin to the point he had never

even kissed a girl before, and a girl who was as pure and alive as the

first day of spring; this was truly something glorious to behold. Here

was no ordinary couple, distracted by the false idols of passion and emotion,

caught up in the lies and emptiness found in extramarital sex and self-gratification.

This relationship was founded upon the rock of truth, the truth of what

it means to be human, and to be in relation with one another; and was

being developed by the principles of love, as set forth by Jesus Christ.

No, it was no ordinary couple, and it would be no ordinary marriage.

Marriage, in the Catholic Church, is seen as an institution so close to

the heart of God as to have been elevated to the level of sacrament by

Jesus Christ. A sacrament is most simply defined as a physical sign, or

symbol, pointing to or representing a spiritual reality. Water is used

at baptism, not because God has to have water to wash away our sins and

make us his sons and daughters, but because we need to have a physical

sign through which we can grasp and understand what is happening spiritually,

as well as have a verifiable instant in which we can be sure that this

essential moment in our salvation has indeed occurred.

Marriage is a sacrament, therefore, precisely because as it seeks to achieve

its ideal, it points to and reveals the union between Christ and his church.

What we see in Ephesians 5 concerning marriage is termed a mystery, a

mysterion, something holy, because it refers to Christ and the church.

This is born out when we take a simple survey of the Scriptures. Beginning

in Genesis we find God creating Adam and Eve, and instantaneously upon

creating them, he marries them, using the time worn formula: "Therefore

a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and the

two shall become one flesh." For God and his love are often invisible

and hard to comprehend, and so it was not good that man should be alone

but should rather have someone with whom to be wholly given and to wholly

receive in imitation and reflection of the love of God - never to

replace or supercede it.

Thus our Lord reminds us that marriage is simply a sign for this life,

for when we get to heaven and see the source and summit of all love, there

will be no need for the sign or symbol and therefore "no giving and

taking in marriage." But in the meantime he gets a lot of mileage

out of the closely related symbol.

Throughout the Old Testament, he pursues his people Israel as a suitor

would his beloved, wooing her with gifts and calling her with gentle words.

Hence when she goes astray, he responds like a spurned lover, calling

her not only idolatrous, but unfaithful and adulterous - marital

terms. The prophets were often asked to take prostitutes as wives to further

drive this point home.

In the New Testament, Christ performs his first miracle at the wedding

feast at Cana, blessing the occasion with rich and abundant wine, symbolizing

the grace he would soon bestow upon us. He restored marriage to its original

state before the fall, calling the Pharisees and scribes to consider how

things were "in the beginning," and to live, by the grace of

God, accordingly, with no divorce and no adultery, not even in thought

or heart.

The Apostles balked at this command, saying, "Then who can be married?"

to which Christ answered, "For some it is not possible, but for God

all things are possible." Repeatedly, in explaining the realities

of the kingdom, Christ himself used marriage as the underlying analogy

for his parables. This all comes to a culmination finally as the book

of Revelation calls heaven the "wedding feast of the Lamb,"

with Christ as bridegroom and the New Jerusalem, the church, as the bride,

never to be separated, never to be unfaithful, always open to begetting

new life.

Thus marriage is never to be entered into lightly, and so we require a

six-month, intensive course of preparation that entails some essential

elements, but is free to be embellished upon by the individual priest.

Hilary and her friend John wanted me to prepare them because they felt

that I would be tough and rigorous in preparing them. However, they informed

me, they had already read "Love and Responsibility" by Karol

Wojtyla (now Pope John Paul II), "Humanae Vitae" (a document

on the meaning of sex and marriage and the contradictory nature of contraceptives

and sterilization), and "The Role of the Christian Family in the

Modern World" (another document detailing the duties of the family

in today's vineyard of the Lord.

"What shall we do now?" Hilary sweetly asked. "Go buy a

dress," I uttered in amazement.

Never had I seen a couple so eager to understand marriage in the fullness

of God's plan, and actively pursuing its perfect reflection.

That night they stayed in the basement of my home next to the church;

she on the queen-sized mattress covered with comforters, he on the thinly

carpeted hard cold floor outside her door. The next morning they left

for the airport where they were to exchange his car for hers, and continue

on to Sumter. But her car wouldn't start, and we wound up at a car

repair shop nearby, where everyone in the place including the secretary

was carrying a weapon of varying caliber, while Hilary sat in the unlocked

car outside.

To the West Point graduate, familiar with their daily presence, it did

not occur to him that his potential bride to be was sitting out in the

unlocked car in a neighborhood that was the furthest thing from the safety

of an Army outpost. This was the only oversight of utmost respect and

care I ever saw from the young man, and it was quickly remedied.

It was a good thing they were so advanced as preparation was going to

be tough; she was still in Philadelphia and he in Alabama. The only other

time we were able to gather, we discussed their understanding of marriage

and their willingness to embrace the entirety of this institution as set

forth by the Lord for the good of the couple and the increase of the kingdom

of God.

To this end I directed them to continue spending time in prayer, doing

holy hours often - but one a week must be on their own with God,

so that he would have their full attention to speak and be heard. This

request was met with appreciation, though reluctance at the thought of

having to be alone.

Then came a blessed break: the Army had given him transfer orders, which

included a month off before he was to report. He made arrangements in

Philadelphia to stay with some friends, and proceeded to join Hilary at

her job, speaking to the high school students about chastity and abstinence.

While there they continued their course of preparation, and continued

to develop in purity of love for one another.

Love is a funny word. We use it to describe so many things: I love pizza,

I love to paint, I love you. The truest definition of love is God himself

as John tells us that God is love, he is the only source thereof, he owns

the monopoly. But in transcribing what this means to us lowly humans,

he tells us, "No greater love has man than this, to lay down his

life for another."

Hence the epitome of love is self-sacrifice; not necessarily out and out

dying, but offering up our lives, our hopes, dreams, desires, goals and

aspirations day in and day out in order to put the needs of another first,

before our own. This is the mystery of the crucifixion, this is the mystery

of love. The two are intrinsically united and intertwined.

For us as humans to truly understand, experience and celebrate love, we

have got to see and embrace this fundamental principle revolt against

this society of self-gratification and glorification. Many couples today

are not in love with one another so much as they are in love with what

the other does for the one - only to wake up later to find that the

other has lost the ability or creativity, and therefore the appeal, and

the desire and commitment wane and disappear.

This couple had discovered the truth about love, and grew more and more

deeply in tune with the expression of this reality.

As the day approached, Hilary's mom called to make sure of my travel

plans and to recant any and every doubt she had ever shared with me or

anyone else about the worthiness of this man for so precious a young lady.

I asked her about the plans for the wedding, for the uniqueness of this

couple and the depth and purity of their love had to be reflected somehow

in the celebration of their union. So much can be told about a couple

and their understanding of Christian marriage in general and their marriage

in particular by the way they plan to solemnize their commitment.

Often weddings that are simply trying to give validity to a couple already

living together and/or sexually active lack the depth, the passion, and

the joy of the couple who come in a sense of innocence and purity. One

priest I know says of them, "There's nothing new there but the

cake!" But with John and Hilary, I was not to be disappointed. The

grace and beauty of God was painted across every moment of the weekend.

I arrived at about 4 in the afternoon, on an unseasonably warm February

day, to find a driveway full of college and seminary students who had

driven 12 hours to be there, the first of two more waves of caravans coming

to witness this holy occasion.

As I had not celebrated the Mass yet that day I went to the church early,

before the rehearsal, to do so. Several of the students followed, desiring

to spend that time in prayerful preparation and union with the Lord as

well. One must not miss this point: people desiring to be Christian, truly

Christian, answering the call of the Lord not simply to obedience but

to holiness, surround themselves with friends who do the same.

We arrived at the church, built at the turn of the last century, sturdy

in its age, with great stained glass windows shining forth the message

of salvation, pulled from the scriptures and spelled out in art where

even the illiterate might find the knowledge and love of the savior. We

prayed the prayer of the marriage covenant between God and man, as we

began a weekend for the celebration of the marriage covenant between John

and Hilary.

The voices of the girls present flooded the high-peaked ceiling with the

glory and praise of angels and God took his place on the thrones of our

hearts. Soon the wedding party arrived and introductions were made; from

parents to siblings, college friends to squadron buddies, all wore a sense

of impending mystery at what had brought this couple together and what

we were to witness in the day to come.

It didn't take long for the manifestation of the grace of God flowing

in the lives of this couple to begin taking place. Some people speak of

a charmed life or of a specially charmed moment; I think it comes from

the individual's response to the overabundance of grace passing in

and around us. The grace took hold as the practice went on, a ceremony

simple in style took on all the elegance of a royal affair, including

the saber arch of the academy men.

It continued as we retired to one of the spacious old Southern homes,

complete with vaulted ceilings and front porch swings, for a relaxing

dinner of barbecue and cole slaw, cornbread and sweet tea. Then it was