There are large questions in

life, like, in the movies, if someone is carrying a bag of groceries,

why will there always be a loaf of french bread sticking out? But, I am

thinking a larger, more important a question here: Which is the smarter

gender? Are women smarter? Are men smarter?

Just by broaching this subject,

I am probably making a case for women being the more intelligent of the

sexes. Realistically, though, men are obviously the smarter of the two

(OK, I just said this to stir things up a bit).

Who is smarter, George W. or

Janet Reno? Who is smarter Fred and Barney or Wilma and Betty? For every

Madonna there is a Schwarzenegger. For every Puff Daddy there is a J.

LO. For every Hillary, there is a Bill.

I had a lady friend concede

that men are smarter because she came to realize that she was married

to a doctor (he's always got the medical advice), a scientist (he always

seems to know how something works, 'cause they have a whole garage full

of stuff that he's taken apart, and never put back together), an auto

mechanic (complains about the repair bill and says he could have done

it himself, which he never has), a comedian (because "he" thinks

he is so funny) and a brain surgeon (because everyone else is so stupid).

Both men and women do smart

things. Both men and women do dumb things. Yet, who is smarter, who is

dumber? Men never ask for directions. Women shave their legs. Men like

tools. Women like shopping. Men make noises. Women "makeup."

Men save pocket change. Women save coupons. Men like football. Women like

foot rubs. Men carry the newspaper to the bathroom. Women carry their

purse to the bathroom.

Men think it is smart when

they get someone to pull their finger. Women think it is smart when they

hide the remote control. Men think it is smart to pour gasoline on the

barbecue. Women think it is smart when they match their shoes and hat.

In the men's "Smart Hall of Fame" we have Albert Einstein, Alexander

Graham Bell, Ben Franklin and Joseph Palmslap, inventor of the clapper.

In the women's "Smart

Hall of Fame" we have Madame Curie, Florence Nightingale, Indira

Ghandi and Debbie "Whiz Kid" Scholl, developer of the shoe that

"looks like a pump but, feels like a sneaker."

Typical nicknames for smart

guys are Bill, Billy or William. Typical nicknames for dumb guys are Bruno,

Goober or Regis. Typical nicknames for smart girls are B., Billie, or

Williamena. Typical nicknames for dumb girls always end in "i,"

Loni, Candi, Debbi, et al.

It is always evident that a

child will grow up smart if it has a name that is taken from a classic

novel. It is just as evident that a child will grow up dumb if it has

a name that is taken from a Saturday morning cartoon. My cousin Scooby

would agree.

The debate over who is smarter

will likely never end. I would say men are smarter. But then again, I

am the guy who says that the Poochi Pet Robot is the greatest invention

since the Pet Rock. So study guys and girls and be prepared and then you

might be able to answer some of those other important questions like,

"Who wrote the book on love?"

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://ebilly.net.]