Anything is for sale. Everything

is for sale. As I watched the Pepsi commercial during the Academy Awards

Sunday, I noticed what Britney Spears was wearing (as opposed to what

she was not wearing).

It wasn't the outfit she wore,

sized for a Barbie doll that I noticed, but a dangling Pepsi logo navel

ring. (That sound you heard was 22 million screen doors slamming behind

22 million teenage boys going out to raid the Pepsi shelves at Kroger).

In what seems to be a never

ending stream of semi-nude, mini-concerts by Spears, she has found yet

another way to sensationalize a medium (advertising). That sound you heard

was 22 million screen doors slamming behind 22 million fathers of teenage

boys going out to raid the Pepsi shelves at Kroger.

Coke's arch enemy could have

at least given her the tag line, "Diet Pepsi; I owe my six-pack to

their six-pack!" But, I guess that would have ruined the artistic

integrity of the letter-boxed commercial.

And what is it with all these

commercials in "letter box" format? If you haven't noticed,

this is when they black out the top and bottom portions of the TV screen

to give the commercial a more "theater-style" feel. And why

do they call it "letter box"? Since it is wide and short in

height, why don't they call it "envelope" format, 'cause that

is the shape. What is a letter box anyway? But I digress.

There is no such thing as a

blank slate anymore. If there is a space, it can be rented. Airplanes,

buses, race cars, park benches, buildings and, yes, even navels are all

fair game for advertising budgets. The most supercilious of the makeshift

banner is the tennis player.

A short history ago, the tennis

player went from all white, then to colors, then to Coors. A Nike swoosh

as a breast pocket insignia is appropriate. A "Preparation H"

back pocket flap is not. This kind of advertising has spread like a Julia

Roberts love fest. If all this creative product placement was Egypt, Michael

Jordan would be Moses, albeit Moses in his Hanes underwear.

Of course, all these facades

for sale are more a product of our times. Our age abhors silence, aurally

and visually. We are so hyperkinetic we must have something always before

us. It's no wonder we are always in need, always hungry, always thirsty.

Just watching a Nascar race

will incite me to cook up some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, order a Domino's

Pizza, switch to AT&T, send a package Federal Express, open a can

of Alpo (and I don't even have a dog), and wash my hair endlessly with

Herbal Essence Shampoo trying get that "feeling."

I am eagerly awaiting the next

step in this kind of "billboarding." I expect Jennifer Lopez

to show up in one of her see-through outfits, with a company's logo tattooed

on her booty, I mean body.

Does all this make me sick?

Yes. Yes, 'cause ain't nobody asking me! Yet, I will just be happy, go

on my merry way and see you in the Pepsi aisle.

(Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://www.ebilly.net.)