I have been so preoccupied

in the last months with the, "Sean 'Puffy' Combs" trial, that

I hardly noticed it was time for me to troll the world for really important

events.

"Hannibal" came out

last week and I quickly got myself out to the theater to see this sequel

to "Silence of the Lambs." I had read the book "Hannibal"

and hated it, so I couldn't wait to get to the movies where I could at

least eat popcorn and candy while hating it. They usually let the movie

drift away from the book to a degree and my dreams that Dr. Lecter would

maybe, just maybe, cross paths with Celine Dion didn't come true. I guess

even human flesh-eaters have some standards.

KFC, the eatery formerly known

as Kentucky Fried Chicken, made the news when a married couple reportedly

found the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices in a house formerly

owned by the Sanders' clan. Can you trust that this is real, or is it

just a publicity stunt? My guess, it's just a scam to get the chicken

house into the news.

Next up, expect to see McDonald's

report that the Hamburglar has made an immunity deal in exchange for revealing

their secret sauce recipe. Chick-Fil-A will dropped their cow billboards

from the "Eat More Chicken" campaign in favor of a cross-promotion

with the movies. Their theme will be the same, but will feature billboards

showing a series of Hannibal Lecters' victims telling us to "Eat

More Chicken."

The Grammy Music Awards are

coming up and one category has pitted Paul Simon against Eminem. Are things

strange or not? What category is this? Best Rap or Extremely Old Guy Video?

Eminem desires to chew up every institution in the music world. Paul Simon

only longs to chew solid food. Eminem has climbed to the top, overcoming

a rotten childhood, poverty and violence. Paul Simon has spent his career

trying to overcome his own inner demons: Art Garfunkel. They do share

one commonality though: a really bad, page-boy haircut.

The XFL has kicked off and

features some of the most heart-pounding, adrenalin-inspiring visuals

ever experienced. And that's just the cheerleaders (you have to give it

to these girls, it is really tough doing all those moves when they have

grown so accustomed to the aid of a pole).

Do we need any more "extreme"

sports? Do we really want to watch a football game where there is no kicking

of extra points and you can make a 2-point conversion for ripping a limb

from someone's body? Should the football be ticking? With team names like

Philadelphia Mad Cows and the Denver Intestinal Parasites you know this

is all schlock. Jesse Ventura is one of the play-by-play announcers. I

guess they got him for the intellectual side of things. I will hold out

watching this sport. I'm gonna wait on extreme golf where they fill the

greens with a couple of hundred African lions.

Presidential pardons made the

news recently with Bill Clinton commuting the sentences of just about

everyone but Timothy McVeigh. I can hear Clinton in his Arkansan dialect

right now, saying, "Dang, so you are sure Jeffrey Dahmer is dead?

Can we dig him up?" Things will be different when it comes time for

Bush to pardon people at the end of his term. They all will have already

been executed. 'Til next spam.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://ebilly.net.]