After watching the news in

copious amounts over the last few weeks (I really MUST get a life!), I

have made the following observations:

You must be a Gore-Lieberman

Democrat if:

You believe that Jessie Jackson's

coming to South Florida to stir up folks was a good way to involve the

common people in the political process but believe that Republicans who

gather and vocally exercise their First Amendment rights are "thugs"

constituting a "mob" who "intimidate" the good precinct

workers of South Florida.

You believe that the voters

of South Florida are either too old or too stupid to actually read the

ballots and make an informed decision without assistance, since each voter,

after voting, was to carefully examine his ballot before turning it in

to be counted.

You believe that the average

South Florida resident needed paid operatives from an advertising firm

to call him or her and say, "Is there some possibility that you voted

for the wrong person, even though you didn't even think about that possibility,

and were perfectly happy with your ballot, until you received this phone

call from me?"

You believe that, without the

assistance of the Psychic Hotline, people can look at a piece of paper

and determine what was going on in the minds of the individuals who held

that ballot in their hand weeks ago.

You believe that people who

did not vote for a presidential candidate really meant to vote for your

candidate.

You believe that, if people

voted twice for a presidential candidate, they really meant to only vote

for your candidate.

You believe that the votes

cast by people in a few selected South Florida counties should be counted

several times but believe that the votes of the military personnel overseas

serving their country should not even be counted at all.

You believe that it is fair

and just for three Democrats, in a county dominated by Democrats, to make

the final decision about disputed ballots when the goal of Democrats is

to elect a Democratic candidate.

You believe that it is okay

for Democrats to appeal to the courts but think it is unfair and mean

for the Republicans to seek relief from those same courts.

You believe that it is the

responsibility of the courts to tell legislators what they really meant

to say when those poor, dull-witted legislators wrote the laws.

You believe that the election

is not over until you get the count you want.

You believe that voters in

South Florida are so physically weak that they need a Black and Decker

power drill or a jackhammer to punch their ballot.

You believe that an unborn

child is not a real person but you believe that a "pregnant chad"

should count as two votes.

You think that continuing the

Clinton legacy for another four or eight years is really a good thing.

You believe that Al Gore really

did invent the Internet, really was the model for "Love Story,"

and you really aren't bothered that he really does believe that President

Clinton is the greatest president in history.

You believe that receiving

a DUI over 20 years ago is more significant than presently being an integral

part of one of the most embarrassing administrations in the history of

the republic.

You will consider naming your

next born son, "Chad."

You believe that anyone who

disagrees with your opinion is mean-spirited, a fascist, and should not

have the same right to express their opinion that you do.

If this article just irritates

the hound out of you and compels you to howl and protest, you must be

a Gore-Lieberman Democrat.

[David Epps is rector of Christ

the King Church in Peachtree City. He may be contacted at [email protected]

or www.ChristTheKingCEC.com.]