I want to take a break from

my Christmas columns and shoot from the heart and write from the hip.

I have never liked the rudeness of the word "shut up," I much

prefer the French translation, "fermi la douché." Yet,

just like Mark Twain (or was it Samuel Clemens) said of cursing, "Bad

words are like the flag, they should be displayed only on special occasions

and then so, with enthusiasm." So I have something I have been wanting

to say to some people for awhile: "Just shut up."

To the guy in the commercial,

the one who pronounces the luxury car, "Jag-YOU-are," just shut

up. Seems to me the wild cat might have been around a little longer than

the automobile and the former pronunciation has worked well for years.

To all the liberals who have

complained for years that the police profile minorities on drug busts

and now are complaining that police are picking on the rich, since the

bust of actor, Robert Downey Jr., just shut up. Are you only going to

be happy when every single prisoner in every single prison is the middle-class

white male? Where will your taxes come from then?

Larry King, just shut up. Charlie

Rose, just shut up. Rosie O'Donnell, just shut up. Madonna, just shut

up. Dan Rather, just shut up. Actors talking politics, just shut up. Musicians

talking world peace, just shut up. Professional athletes talking about

anything that takes intelligence, just shut up. Anyone wanting to make

a "Shout Out," just shut up.

To anyone under 30 who makes

a salary in the triple digits and talks how hard they had it growing up,

just shut up. Lisa Ling from "The View" comes to mind. I read

an article where she talks about how her Asian heritage caused so much

pain for her in her young life. Just shut up. Lisa, you would not have

the job you have except that you are young, Asian and beautiful. Try fat

Lisa, try poor Lisa, just shut up. Not to pick on you, Lisa, one of the

first symptoms of celebrity is to complain about how "hard"

you have it.

There are lots of ways to say

shut up. "Be quiet" is pious. "Hush" is average. "Shhhh"

is oh, so librarian. There have even been songs that extol the importance

of holding your tongue: "(Hush, hush,) Voices Carry" or "Shut

Up and Kiss Me." With the exception of perfect student Cindy Hardie

from my high school, I think that all of us have at least one time in

life been instructed to "keep it down." Whispering won't work

and sign language is not good enough; just shut up.

To the movie critics who liked

"Blair Witch Project," and to the movie critics who didn't like

"Charlie' Angels," just shut up. To that crocodile hunter guy,

just shut up, but not before you irritate a cobra so much that he bites

you in the face. People on VH1's "Behind the Music," talking

about your "former" (yeah right) drug addictions, just shut

up. Anyone on MTV's "Real World," just shut up. Kelsey Grammar

on "Frasier," le shut up. Ricky Martin, "Livin' La Vida

Shut Up." Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, shut-up-shut-up.

I am sure there's a lot more

"noise" to complain about, but now I will stop, and say it in

the most festive way possible. "Peace on Earth."