If you know

me, you know I love to go to yard sales and flea markets.

Old Flea Market

Mike is what a lot of people call me. Well, really just one person. And,

come to think of it, he didn't know me very well at all. He was a crazy

old homeless man who called everybody Flea Market Mike. But that's beside

the point.

This weekend

as my lady friend and I cruised the seemingly endless parade of used wares

and treasures in the area, I stumbled upon perhaps one of the greatest

discoveries of the modern era. We are all familiar with L. Frank Baum's

novel "The Wizard of Oz," but the copy I found does not end

where many other copies end. Since I will only part with my magnificent

copy for millions of dollars, I will give you, my faithful readers, a

summary of the lost pages of "The Wizard of Oz."

The ending

that most of us know ends with Dorothy Gale in bed at her Aunt Em's house.

Aunt Em tells her that she and her Uncle Henry were worried sick when

they couldn't find her and that Dorothy has an awful bump on her head.

Dorothy tells the group that sits at her bedside about her amazing adventure

in Oz and swears that it could not have been a dream. She then relays

the message that Glenda the Good Witch told her before she left Oz, "There's

no place like home."

Now this is

where it gets weird.

Aunt Em tells

Dorothy to get some rest and shoos everybody out of her room. The ranch

hands leave the farm house and promise to return bright ad early the next

morning to help with repairs. Dorothy feigns sleep and eavesdrops on a

conversation between Em and Henry in the living room.

"Shouldn't

we tell her the truth, Em."

"No, Henry.

The poor girl has been through enough. We must not let her know that that

awful place is real."

Then an axe

bursts through the window and three skulking silhouettes approach the

door of the house. It is of course the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and

the Tin Man.

"Surrender

Dorothy to us," the Scarecrow said. "We need her back with us

in Oz."

Em and Henry

scream in terror as the three friends burst through the door. Dorothy

wakes up but does not make a noise.

"We need

her," the Tin Man said. "She liberated us from the witches'

evil spells."

Uncle Henry

grabs his shotgun and points it at the intruders.

"She's

our niece and she's staying here with us in Kansas. This here gun is going

to make sure of it. It can take all three of you out if it has to."

"Sure

it can, Pops," the Lion says with a not so cowardly growl. "But

can it take out 300 Munchkins?"

The sound of

300 Munchkins giggling permeates the calm Kansas evening. It drowns out

the sounds of the crickets and makes the hair on Dorothy's neck stand

up.

Dorothy bursts

out of her bedroom, preventing any blood from being shed.

"You all

are being so mean. Don't you realize that this is my home," she asks

her friends from Oz. "And don't you realize that these are my friends

and that violence doesn't solve anything?" she asked her family.

"Why can't we just live here together, in peace and harmony? I can't

go