Now that the

Braves have choked yet again, we can turn our focus to the fall season

of television.

Each year,

dozens of new shows are created in the hopes that one of them will be

at least a moderate hit. Some networks bring back some of television's

most memorable characters, while others mimic already successful programming.

And once in a while, something truly original comes along and knocks the

world out of its socks.

One of this

season's new shows is "Schneider's World." It is about the lovable

character Schneider, who was a hit so many years ago on the show "One

Day At A Time." Schneider is now an aging plumber, who solves mysteries,

while cracking wise with his three teenage nieces.

The plot for

the pilot, which never even aired, (thank you very much, Bush-Gore debate)

dealt with the problem of illiteracy among our nation's elderly population.

Schneider had a heart-to-heart talk with his old friend, Doc (clearly

just a nickname, since he can't read) at Uli's, a local pub on the show.

Here's part of Schneider's stirring monologue.

Schneider:

"Aww, geez, Doc. C'mon, huh? You never learned to read? (pause) You

ain't a real doctor, right? I mean, I wouldn't want you reading my chart

in the operating room. Reading is important, Doc. It's almost like breathing.

It gets to be second nature and you almost can't live without it. Look

at me, could I be a plumber if I didn't know how to read? I might pour

milk or something down a toilet, instead of the proper chemicals. Let's

take you to the library, huh? Somebody there can help ya and then you

can help somebody else."

No worse than

"Suddenly, Susan," right? Wrong. The network that owned the

rights to "Schneider's World" already pulled the plug on the

show, citing "too many things to be reworked to make the show financially

viable." Do we care about the money or the message, America? Maybe

that is what's wrong with this country.

Other examples

of television programs bringing back favorite characters or actors are,

Colonel Klink in "Klink's Bakery," Skippy from "Family

Ties" in "Skippy," and Daney Coleman and Rita Moreno in

"Old Farts." "Old Farts" is actually picked to be

the strongest contender among all of the new shows to be a mid-season

replacement within the next five years.

An example

of a new television program that mimics a successful one is "Duffy

the Werewolf Shooter." Duffy is a nerdy boy in Ohio, who is the newest

in a long line of werewolf shooters. This is an obvious rip-off of "Buffy

the Vampire Slayer," which is why it is being reworked. The last

I heard, "Duffy" will be about an aging werewolf who is also

a member of the NRA. He lives with his three adorable and very liberal

teenage nieces, in order to stay out of a rest home. Keep your eye out

for an air date.

Other blatant

rip-offs of successful shows are "Really Happy Days," where

Potsy, Mouth and Joanie are in their 70s and are enjoying the year 2000

(be cool or they'll still tell you to "sit on it!") and "Jill

and Trey," which is about a gay girl and her straight male roommate.

Hilarity (and hopefully Emmys ensue).

The last program

I would like to mention is truly original. It is called "Lower Bennington"

and is about three girls who are all nieces to each other through some

crazy, mixed-up lineage, living together in a fictional New York neighborhood

called "Lower Bennington."

The girls are

like three fish out of water but by sticking together and having heart-to-heart

talks, these three girls learn about life in the big city and love. Nobody

has picked up "Lower Bennington" yet, but my agent says that

MTV and Oxygen are showing interest.

Stay tuned.

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