As incredibly close as the

presidential race is, it is rather amazing how huge a gap there is between

men's and women's devotion to Al Gore. Women simply love him and (the

polls say) will vote for him in large numbers compared to George W. Bush.

Thus, if Gore becomes our 35th president or whatever the number, it pretty

much means that the most powerful man in the world got his job because

women think he is hot. But, why do women like him so much? I have my theories.

Let me say, that I make my

statements from a "guy" basis, not because of any political

leanings. I can be completely objectionable about a pandering, liberal,

wishy-washy politico-chameleon. (Okay, I know I sound like the jealous

boyfriend who keeps telling his girl that Brad Pitt is a loser because

he never graduated college).

Women like Al because of "The

Kiss." I have to give him credit. A man wrangles in millions of extra

votes just by giving his wife that little extra oomph in front of millions.

After Al won the Democratic nomination and planted a big, wet, long one

on Tipper, everybody in the world forgot his politics. Most women were

wondering how they could get their husbands to behave that way after being

married many, long years. Most men were wondering who the heck Al was

imagining in his mind when he was kissing his wife of many, long years.

Was the kiss contrived? Sure it was. It was as engineered as a space shuttle

launch. But, even then, women give credit for that.

Women like Al because of Bill

Clinton. Al has been number two for eight years now and girls, always,

eventually go for the main man's best friend. When I was in high school

and college I knew very few girls who weren't dating a guy, yet secretly

liked his most frequent comrade in arms. Now that Bill has turned out

to be the bad boyfriend, maybe it's time to try the straight, sweet guy

pal. Right?

Women like Al because he invented

that Internet thing. Shopping 24 hours a day need I say more?

Women like Al because of "Love

Story." Al himself has said he is the model for the main character

in one of the world's most popular romance novels. The author, Erich Segal,

acknowledges that the character in his book was partly drawn from Al Gore

in college. But, the girl in "Love Story" was not patterned

after Tipper but Al's old girlfriend. Hmmm, that kiss doesn't seem so

eternal now, does it?

Women like Al because he is

attractive and sincere. No woman would ever misjudge a guy who looks clean-cut

and tells them all the things they want to hear, right? In the recorded

annals of history, I don't think any woman has ever experienced a situation

where a handsome, well-dressed man told her she was pretty, interesting,

funny, etc., so she would let down her defenses and he then took what

he wanted and the next day acted like he never heard her name before,

even if he could remember it. That has never happened, right? I mean the

plain-looking guys who aren't adept at flattery and mock-adulation have

always been the most successful types with women, right? And Al IS

sincere, right?

Women like Al because of his

191-page economic plan. This is one of Gore's more powerful packages that

consists of not only a debt reduction strategy but a performance and incentive

plan that would bring monetary benefits to the essential supportive working

class. In layman's terms: More money for 24-hour shopping!

Oh, and women like Al because

he sure knows how to use a can of hairspray.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the

Internet at https://ebilly.net.]