Oh, the

irony of these "naturalist" hypocrites. Let me

explain. For years now, all I ever hear is how all these

so-called suburban nature lovers care so much about the

ecosystem and how we need to keep things the way they are

supposed to be. Then why are all these same people

watering their lawns? Now that nature has decided to be

cruel and give us this drought, why are these nature

lovers going against what nature is trying to do?

Of course, the drought is

not funny, and in part I write this article to maybe make

it rain, as one would wash their car to get the same

affect. Yet, I find it humorous that all the loudmouth

tree-huggers who wish to defy any semblance of

asphalt-based growth are now defying their mother-nature

"Try to knock down a

tree, I will squeal like a pig. Try to build a new store

and I will cry from the earth. But if my petunias start

wilting, I am gonna drain the lakes and ponds dryer than

a bone to get me a pretty, pink flowers!"

Of all the hypocrites,

there is none worse than the person who is overly pious

for something that makes them think they are better than

everyone else. It is like that girl you took out one time

and all her good looks and nice perfume couldn't overcome

her attitude when she so arrogantly announced, "I'm

a vegetarian." Like somehow being a herbivore makes

one better than the rest of us meat-eaters. Do these

people go to the zoo and yell at the cheetahs...

"Don't you get it, you spotted mongrel? With your

diet, you aren't gonna live past 50!"

So it is with today's

self-professed "watchers of the woods." They

recycle, but drive gas-guzzling SUVs. They want to save

the ducks, whales and trees, yet they would never join me

in a march to save Melrose Place. They abhor the wearing

of fur but lace $130 leather sneakers. Paradoxical

hypocrites, every one. At least most of them are washing

down their lithium, Valium and Prozac with clear, natural

spring water. I down my BC powders with a tepid, flat

Diet Coke.

I'm not saying quit

watering your lawn. I am just saying, don't pretend to be

a nature freak and water your lawn. Love nature in its

gory as well as its glory.

I know I have a certain

level of arrogance concerning nature myself. I grew up in

a house where 80 percent of our food was brought in from

our own gardens, the lake or the woods. We shot and

killed game and we caught fish for our meals. Maybe it's

just me but once you have gutted a wild boar, worrying

about a tree or two doesn't make it to the top of the

list.

In reality (like right

now), nature is a lot more cruel than the

environmentalists would have you believe. Nature has no

diplomacy or tact at all. Though we like to think of warm

breezes and orange sunsets, a river will drown a baby

faster than you can say Pokemon and you just leave your

pooch in the car with the windows up while you go into

the Kroger.

I know I am being macabre,

but it does put our little drought in perspective. We are

lucky to have water to drink (not that we would actually

drink spigot water). We are lucky to have water to bathe.

And most of all we are lucky to have water to waste on

our lawns.

[Visit Billy Murphy on

the Internet at https://ebilly.net.]