I've always

done things "by the book."

I chose my

college from the Blue Book, furnished my house with the

help of Spiegel's catalog and learned how to effectively

cloth-diaper a baby from a paperback guide.

I was

thrilled when "The Worst-Case Scenario"

(survival handbook) hit the stands just days before my

departure for the remote mountain regions of Guatemala.

According to Murphy's Law, anything that can go wrong

will, and I wanted to be ready. The only problem was

locating this lifesaver before departure. It was only

after I returned home that I bought the book.

Some of the

advice offered by the authors is quite handy, and I

definitely could have benefited from the piece on how to

jump from a moving car. Careening down rocky, perilous

mountain roads at 120 kilometers with a 10-ton semi

barreling towards you triggers instant panic. If I had

known how to bail out safely, I certainly would have.

The authors

warn that this maneuver should be considered only as a

last resort. The simple six-step procedure is as follows:

1) apply the emergency brake 2) open the car door 3) make

sure you jump at an angle that will take you out of the

path of the car 4) tuck in your head and your arms and

your legs 5) aim for a soft landing site: grass, brush,

wood chips, anything but pavement - or a tree 6) roll

when you hit the ground. (From chapter 3, page 82, leaps

of faith).

Without

these handy instructions, I feared jumping improperly and

instead, prayed, gripped onto anything in the vehicle not

moving, and shut my eyes - at least once every five

minutes.

The idea of

being lost in the mountains never crossed my mind,

considering the driver's navigational experience. But

there were times when the promised arrival time of 30

minutes grew increasingly into hours. "How long

until the next town?" "Thirty minutes,"

was Lorenzo's stock reply. We soon understood that 30

minutes Guatemalan time could run anywhere from 45

minutes to two and a half hours.

In

"chapter 5, adventure survival, page 146" the

intrepid authors advise 1) do not panic 2) find shelter

and stay warm and dry 3) signal rescuers for help 4) do

not wander far 5) if you get frostbite, do not rewarm the

affected area until you are out of danger.

Fortunately,

there was no need to worry about large, wild animals, as

we only came in contact with the occasional rabid dog,

wandering cow, goat, sheep or burro. The insects were

easily annihilated with a shoe and no reptiles were

spotted. But if you have to deal with a charging bull

(chapter 2, page 64, the best defense) 1) do not

antagonize the bull and do not move 2) look around for a

safe haven - an escape route, cover or high ground 3) If

a safe haven is not available, remove your shirt, hat or

another article of clothing to distract the bull 4) if

the bull charges, remain still and then throw your shirt

or hat away from you. Good luck and bon voyage.

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