Mothers were put on this

earth to give advice. Some words of wisdom have been

passed down from generation to generation like "do

your best"" and sleep eight hours a

night." Other sage snippets like "always wear

flip flops in a public shower" and "never wear

synthetics" are more personalized.

My mother has certainly

dished out her quota of advice over the years, but there

is only one mom in America whose daughter has actually

recorded it and made it available to the world on CD.

"Amy's Answering

Machine" is a 30 minute collection of advice offered

Such gems as "I know you're going to the Department

of Motor Vehicles today...you know they have very long

lines, so be sure and empty your bladder before you leave

the house." (Paraphrased from the original whiny

directive.) And "...it's (9:00, where are you?

You've got to get up for work tomorrow" are edited

from nearly 20 years of advice left by Mrs. Borkowsky on

Amy's machine.

It's available on the web

site of msnbc.com through the Today Show link. It's not

sold in stores. As Mother's Day approaches, it's

appropriate to think about the advice our own mothers and

mother-figures have delivered to us over the years. More

importantly, how much of it did we accept and use, and

how much advice fell to the wayside allowing the

all-familiar refrain, "I told you so," to come

back and haunt us?

I remember one

life-altering conversation my best friend had with her

mother on the eve of her wedding. Mother: "Don't

marry him, darling. You're too good for him. It's not too

late to call it off. We can freeze the shrimp."

Daughter: "But Mom, I love him. I want to get

married." All this as she irons the train of her

wedding gown. Fast forward 20 years and three kids later.

Daughter: "He wants a divorce... he also wants the

house, the kids, all three television sets, the Nintendo

and the bug zapper."

My mother has taken the

"find out for yourself, it's your life"

approach to advice. The downside has been a lifetime of

trial and error, the upside has been laundry list of

advice I can offer my own children based on real

experience.

With two teenage boys under

my wing and a precocious eight year-old daughter, I've

begun spooning it out in small but potent doses. Don't

ride your bike up the trunk of tree, take messages and

write them down when you answer the phone, always say

please and thank you, avoid wearing clothing imprinted

with the Confederate flag, choking can be avoided my

taking tiny bites, soda cans and candy wrappers stored

under the bed attracts ants, don't buy shoes too big or

too small just because they look cool, don't smoke or

drink, etc. etc. May at least one of my children take

this advice to heart and be smart enough to cash in on it

in 20 years. I'll be waiting for my share.

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