Calvin Klein said his

newest line of jeans are "designed to look lived in

and personal... they are jeans with character and they're

sexy." Well, they may be personal, but sexy? Oh,

come on. On Jennifer Lopez, maybe. But on the average

American, I think not.

While we're talking dirty,

there is another new product designed just for hair to

make it look, well, dirty. This mud-like pomade was

featured in the big city paper last week. Now you can

purchase this ridiculously priced gel to make your hair

look like you haven't washed it in a week! All you have

to do is shampoo as usual and apply.

I foresee a whole new

market for related products... ,,Compost,� pronounced

Compo, a light and invigorating fragrance with notes of

rotting citrus and celery, "Socks-so-Stiff," a

starch-like spray to turn brand new crew socks into

well-worn friends; "Gucci Grease," a couture

line of door grease extracted from imported luxury cars

to apply on expensive designer distressed jeans, and

finally, "Cigarette Burn," a tiny cylinder that

contains no tobacco and will light at the flick of

switch. Perfect for placing strategic burn holes on

fabric.

So get out there and be

trendy. We probably won't get this chance to be grubby

and gorgeous for another 20 years.

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