I can see clearly now

can see clearly now

I recently purchased

a pair of non-prescription eyeglasses. Check me out on

the street sometime. They're pretty nice. I think they

make me look sophisticated.

The truth

of the matter is I am fairly intelligent and it was that

keen brain that led me to buy the glasses. You see, being

smart, I know that people judge your appearance before

they get a chance to judge your personality. Some people

might believe that appearance is secondary to character,

but they get a good, long look at you before they ever

talk to you.

So I like

the glasses. I think I look smarter and more hip and so

do others. I have been treated differently since I

started wearing my faux spectacles. People ask me to help

them with math equations, they engage me in debates over

opera and I've heard more gripes about contact lenses in

the past three days than I had heard over the past three

years.

I have also

noticed that my behavior has changed since I started

wearing the glasses. I'm more reserved than I usually am,

and more organized. My posture is improved (you never see

people in glasses slouch do you?) and I've commanded the

respect of my peers and colleagues. They walked all over

me when I was just a fresh-faced non-bespectacled young

man, but with glasses, I'm not the guy you want to cross.

After all, I might take off these glasses and then you'll

know you're in trouble.

The only

department that the glasses have yet to be tested in is

the love department, but I bet more women will talk to me

now, too. Who's afraid of a guy in glasses? I'm sure

women will make their assumptions based on my new

appearance and they can only work in my favor. I don't

look overtly nerdy, but just nerdy enough to have a

pretty good job and a future. Those things weren't

important before, like in high school or college, but

they are now.

I recommend

that everybody wear glasses. You can do so many cool

things with them. If you're frustrated with somebody,

take them off and rub the bridge of your nose with your

fingers. They'll get the message. You can polish them and

look like you take care of your material goods. My

favorite thing is to stare out over the top of them, that

really sends a message to people. And, of course, nothing

is more romantic than peeling off the glasses to move in

for a kiss.

Years ago,

people would have called me four eyes, but now they all

want to know where they can get a pair.

I'm not

telling.

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