I'm

left-handed; thus, I'm a minority. I don't know if there

is an affirmative action program for my

"people," but we should warrant a PBS

documentary, a "20-20" episode and at least one

Susan Faludi book. But, I bet you won't see Jesse Jackson

taking on our cause anytime soon. I hear he only loves

righty.

The discrimination starts

early for the left-handed person. No left-handed

scissors, no left-handed potholders, no left-handed

spiral-bound notebooks etc. (unless of course, you can

find one of those specialty stores that charges double

the price). Even the English language plays against the

southpaw. There's such positive terms as "right

on", "Bill of Rights" and "right of

way." You even have Orville and Wilbur Wright.

On the other hand, there's

such negative terms as "left-wing politics,"

"left-handed compliment" and "He's out in

left field." Old food is "leftovers" and

if someone had a bad time at a party, he

"left."

I remember when I started

playing baseball as a young child, I had to use my

brother's old glove on the wrong hand. To this day, I bat

right-handed because no one taught me how to swing the

lumber left. Finally, when I was about 12, my parents

bought me the proper glove at the Western Auto for $4.90,

not including tax. I was the happiest little lefty in the

world, realizing that my parents were investing in what

could turn out to be a very lucrative future. It was

about 20 minutes later when I realized the value of

things. My father stopped to fill our Rambler American

with gas and the total was $5.45. One tank of gas was

worth more than my personal, holy, leather, grail.

Famous left-handers from

the musical ranks include Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney

and Kurt Cobain. Great, two out of three of those killed

themselves. Famous lefties in sports include Kenny

Stabler, Jimmy Connors, John McEnroe, Martina Navratilova

and baseball players too numerous to mention. Baseball

plays to the strengths of left-handers more than any

other sport (even though only two out of the six infield

positions even allow for left-handed players). Our last

three presidents have been left-handed, but so where Jack

the Ripper and the Boston Strangler.

Writing is the worst for

left-handers. Smudging ink and pencil all across the

page, the left-hander blocks the view of his own work.

(Unless, of course, you are writing in Hebrew or

Japanese). I remember when I was going into the third

grade my parents wanted me to go into Mrs. West's class

because "she knew how to handle left-handers."

To this day, I'm not exactly sure what that meant. I hope

it had something to do with writing style.

In the science of brain

lateralization, I read recently that the reason people

are left-handed is because they have damage or weakness

in the natural part (left side) of their brain. The brain

compensates by moving part of the processing to the right

side, thus the result, a left-handed person. These

"experts" say that this is why, many times,

twins consist of one left-hander and one right

(coincidentally, I have a right-handed twin). The theory

is, the stronger twin kicks or hits the weaker on the

head (while in the womb) and causes the brain damage

needed to make one left-handed. I think my brother also

caused the brain damage needed to make me always push

when the door says pull.

So what justice is there

for the left-hander? Maybe it's knowing that we are often

times more sensitive and artistic, or that statistically

left-handers have higher IQs. We do statistically die

earlier, though. Then again, we might just deserve that,

given we are probably the inventors of the left turn.

[Contact Billy Murphy

via e-mail at [email protected] or visit his homepage at https://billymurphy.homepage.com . ]

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