Though we

have suffered a 2-month drought this summer, there is

plenty of newsworthy chuckles raining down on us. Thank

goodness there's always a monsoon of morons to be made

fun of.

Time Magazine just featured

and gave its cover story to the "new, improved"

version of the evolution of man. I am sure glad all other

sciences don't profess something as fact for 50 years and

then come back and say, "Whoops, we were all wrong,

but now you really can trust us."

I guess we should be more

patient with the science that builds complete validity

from a broken tooth or a piece of broken eye socket.

Jeesh!

I had an Uncle Merle die,

and two days later in the casket you couldn't even tell

it was him, yet these scientists can build a whole

civilization from conjecture and fragmented fossils.

In the article in Time

there is a picture of someone holding a rock; nothing but

a rock with a smooth edge, mind you, and the caption

says, "A two-bladed stone flake dating back 2.5

million years providing a clue to when deliberate tool

making began."

Again my blood pressure

rises. This rock could have been split like this a

million ways from Sunday, yet they want to use it to

prove to a science that has never been directly observed

and will never be observed. These scientists' logic is

out having tea with all the intermediary species -

nowhere to be found.

Carnie Wilson had her

stomach reduction surgery broadcast live over the

Internet. If you missed it you can find the video running

continuously at Iamgonnabesick.com. Thank goodness Al

Gore invented the Internet for this spectacular event.

At least some marketers had

the presence of mind to get her group "Wilson

Phillips" back together for the online show. They

sang acoustic tunes in the recovery room like, "She

Ain't Heavy (anymore) She's My Sister," and the

Ricky-Martin-flavored "Leavin' La Vida Waffle

House." They ended the webcast by interviewing the

reduction surgeon who could only shake his head and

mumble, "We now know what happened to the kid who

used to play `Webster.'"

And for more in the

"Celebrities are Nuts" category, Leonardo

DiCaprio is trying to trademark his name. I guess this is

to prevent someone like me from totally fooling teenage

girls all around the country. I can see what the girls

would be saying, "He's fat, old and has hair growing

from really weird places, but his driver's license says

he is Leonardo DiCaprio... let's get him girls!"

I don't know if Sir Leo is

just paranoid or egotistical or maybe he's aware of some

Robert Downey, Jr., plot we don't know about. Or, he

could be taking advice from "The Artist"

formerly known as "the artist formerly known as

Prince."

And the rest. Have you

heard we have a shortage of pennies? Now, this is an

event to write home about, and I would but I was three

cents short of being able to buy a stamp.

Lines seem to be subsiding

for the shock movie "Blair Witch Project." I

just didn't get it. I guess I camped too much as a kid

and didn't find a pile of rocks outside of someone's tent

to be so horrific. But I did like the twist at the end

when the actor playing Darren Stevens was replaced by

another actor and then Samantha bludgeoned him to death

with a rolling pin. So much for my evolution.

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