We

experienced something new to our family this summer when

our beloved dog Kisses was hit by a car and died. Our

beagle had been with us for several years and we had

raised him since he was a tiny puppy, small enough to

hold in my hand.

I loved our

dog as much as my children did. Even though I wished that

the dog had not died, it provided an opportunity for my

children to learn something about the world in which they

live. My children have not yet experienced the death of a

close relative or friend. The death of our dog allowed

them to experience for the first time the permanence of

death and the deep sadness that one feels when something

valuable is lost.

Understanding

that death is part of our existence is a very important

lesson.

I would

suggest that there are several things you should do when

you lose a pet. First, a child's perspective on death is

dependent upon his or her development. My son, for

example, at 2 years of age, is incapable of understanding

death. For him, the explanation "Kisses went

bye-bye" was all he could understand. He is so young

that he will soon forget about the dog.

My

7-year-old and 11-year-old, however, have the cognitive

capability for understanding death and the fact that our

deceased pet will not be returning. Based on that

perspective, I explained in more detail what happened and

I answered their many questions.

A second

important thing is to allow the child to express grief.

Grief is normal. To say that one should not feel bad is

unfair to anyone who is experiencing a loss. You feel

what you feel. Telling someone not to feel bad is an

attempt to deal with your own discomfort or to deal with

the grief you see in the person you are trying to

comfort, but it does not work. I explained to both my

daughters as they were crying that I, too, felt bad and

would miss our dog very much. I let them know there was

nothing wrong with missing something that you have loved.

A third

suggestion is to help the child to say goodbye. As

adults, we have elaborate rituals for saying goodbye to a

loved one who has died. We have viewing, visitation,

funerals, graveside services and so forth. I buried the

dog before they could see his injuries, but we worked

together to mark his grave with stones. We also

constructed a small "headstone" for the dog and

conducted a funeral.

At our

small memorial, we each told one thing we would miss

about the dog. That validated our grief. However, in

order not to dwell on our grief, we each told something

about our dog that always made us happy. We sang a song

and we each said a short prayer. I let my girls know they

could visit Kisses' grave any time they would like.

Finally,

teach your child to move ahead. Even though I experienced

a hesitancy to mention the dog or to address comments

from my children about the dog because I did not want

them to feel bad, I still answered most of their

questions. But I also tried to provide a positive outlook

on the situation and teach them how to get beyond their

grief. For example, my middle daughter was very

inquisitive about the injuries our dog suffered. I told

her that hearing about some details like those regarding

his injuries would probably only make her feel bad, as it

would for most adults, but I told her that Kisses had not

suffered and that was what mattered.

Reminding

her of the happy things we talked about at his memorial,

I suggested that even though it was sad losing our dog, I

am very glad we had him as long as we did. It was

wonderful having a dog and I looked forward to another

pet one day, even though we could never replace our

beagle.

I would not

want our pet to die just to teach my children life's

lessons, but when it happened, it provided the perfect

opportunity for me to teach them about grief, loss, death

and recovery.

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