I am amazed

at the behavior people try to excuse.

For many

years I was a college administrator. Students would be

disciplined for stealing, vandalism, and other

inexcusable behaviors. Their parents would be in my

office, not apologizing for the child's behavior, but

complaining about the discipline. This attitude is not

limited to the college environment.

With

startling regularity the media reports on people who

misuse the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights as a

magic wand that gives them permission to do or say

whatever they want regardless of the harm that may be

done to others by their words and actions. Lawyers make

unbelievable excuses for their clients who are charged

with crimes. Our governmental leaders have normalized

single-parent households using their "it takes a

village" motto as an excuse to pursue their own

careers at their children's expense.

Closer to

home, people argue with my opinion of day care, movies

and other topics I've written about in this column over

the years arguing that I blow these issues out of

proportion. I've often wondered what these people,

adhering to their current points of view, would write if

they were in my shoes. To see what their ideas sound like

all together, I've decided to write an article from their

perspective. Here we go:

Don't

worry about how many hours you work or how little you are

at home. Children don't need parents in the house, they

just need the things your money can buy. After all,

parents are cultural inventions and kids can learn all

they need about growing up from TV and their friends.

Spending a few minutes once in a while with your children

is sufficient. Your children would rather have

possessions than loving parents at home.

Let your

children watch any movie, listen to any song, or read any

book they want. No matter how profane, vile or vulgar, it

has no affect on them. Allow your children to spend hours

in front of the television, on the Internet, or at

computer games, no matter how violent or profane the

themes. Children are resilient and recognize violence,

pornography and profanity as entertainment and would

never imitate these behaviors. No monitoring by parents

is needed.

Carefully

change the perspective on issues when your children are

in trouble. Never accept that your children have done

anything wrong or evil. Find where the system has wronged

them and focus all attentions there. It is obvious that

they are powerless and have no choice but to do the

wrongs they do because of a system that is biased against

them. Ensure that your children understand that their

race, gender, socioeconomic status, or religious

background totally incapacitates them and makes personal

choice and responsibility impossible. When necessary,

hire a lawyer and sue all possible parties rather than

admit any wrongdoing.

Children

cannot control their sexual energies so you should invest

in condoms and birth control pills. Conservative groups

that encourage abstinence are clearly out of touch with

reality and their puritan ideals have no place in a

modern society. Sexual activity in the early teens and

even younger is to be expected. Abortion is the solution

to unwanted pregnancies when they occur. By the way, you

don't need to be informed if your daughter has an

abortion. Even though we concede that government agencies

(like schools) should get your permission before

dispensing aspirin, it is old-fashioned to assume that

you should be informed if your child wishes to abort a

baby.

Teach

your daughter that her right to choose an abortion has

nothing to do with the rights of an unborn child. Make

sure you dehumanize an unborn baby by calling it

"tissue." Never allow your daughter to consider

that "the right to choose" occurs at the point

of deciding on intercourse. Teach her to do what she

wants at the moment and then teach her that the

consequences of her actions are unfair tragedies that are

thrust upon her by evil religious groups.

If

your son rapes a woman while on a date make sure he

understands it was not his fault. Explain that sexual

intercourse on a date is his right even if a woman says

"no." Teach your son that if a woman dresses in

a seductive way, he can treat her in any way he chooses.

Finally,

and perhaps most importantly, encourage your children to

speak and act disrespectfully to adults, especially

teachers. After all, we are all equal and there is no

reason adults should get any special recognition from

young people.

-Signed

- A Liberal American Psychologist

If we

followed this absurd advice, we would raise a generation

of children who would have no respect for authority and

who would refuse to take responsibility. Teen pregnancy

and juvenile crime would be out of control and we

probably would even have children killing each other.

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