Several

information-age events converged on my household last

week, leaving me wishing for the good old days when

humans who cared answered telephones at places that your

taxes or monthly payments supported.

So is this a Y2K preview?

I'll start in the middle.

It was Saturday evening, and I returned from an

out-of-town trip to my peaceful Peachtree City home about

7 p.m. to find - darkness and ominous stillness

inside.

The power was out, the

apparent result of an earlier thunderstorm. Instant

thought: How long has the power been down? Is the frozen

food still frozen? It was.

Well, what to do now? A

check outside revealed that houses just down the street

had lights. Life was proceeding normally just yards away.

So, it must be a transformer or breaker switch serving

the four dark houses. I think I'll call Coweta-Fayette

EMC, my electricity provider for 22 years running. Let's

see, what's their number? I'll look in the BellSouth

Fayette white pages.

Strange. No listing.

There's only one "Coweta" in the book, and it's

not going to turn my lights on.

This has got to be a

mistake. I'll look back in the Yellow Pages. There's the

heading: "Electric Companies."

Stranger still. There's

Snapping Shoals Electric Membership Corp., a Clayton

County number. But no Coweta-Fayette EMC number under the

heading you would expect.

An idea strikes.

Coweta-Fayette has branched out into other businesses,

like home security systems. I'll look up their

subsidiary.

After several detours, I

find the familiar EMC logo and a Peachtree City number

- 770-502-0226. Feeling calm descend over me, I

punch in the number.

"Beep, beep, beep,

beeeeep. I'm sorry, the number you have dialed may not be

connected yet."

What!? There's no way to

reach my electric company when I need them? There's got

to be a mistake. I dialed 411 for information.

"I'm sorry, sir, there

is no number for Coweta-Fayette EMC listed for Peachtree

City."

"Alright, then, try

Newnan. There's got to be a number there. That's their

headquarters."

There was a number. But

that's all there was, except for that maddening rapid

buzz-buzz-buzz of an "all circuits are busy"

sound.

I started calling at about

7:15 p.m. I stopped calling at 11:30 p.m. when the lights

came back on.

In the meantime I had

dialed "O" and had a bored operator check the

buzz-buzz-buzz for me. "I'M sorry, sir, we show that

line as busy."

"I KNOW THAT LINE IS

BUSY! I want to know if there's a faulty line, or

somebody took the phone off the hook, or what."

"Sir, we show that all

circuits are busy."

"I've been trying to

get my power company for hours, and I can't even get a

phone to answer to report a power outage. Do you have any

suggestions?"

"I'm sorry, sir, we

show all circuits busy. Why don't you hang up and try

your call later?"

"Thank you," I

growl between gritted teeth.

This is ridiculous. I'll

call the Peachtree City Police Department, their

"non-emergency" number. I've called it many

times in years past.

This time I get a computer

recording. "This is the Peachtree City Police

Department administrative number. Our offices are closed.

If you have an emergency, dial 911. Otherwise

dial...."

I am ready to scream, Is

there no one at home? Where are the humans at my town's

police department? Must I be dying or shot to get hold of

a cop here?

Muttering, I dial what used

to be the Fayette County Sheriff Department's

non-emergency number. "Fayette County Emergency

Services administrative number."

At last! A human, who will

have some information.

"I'm in Peachtree City

and have a power outage. I just wonder if it's widespread

and how I can report it."

"Sir, there are

outages all over Fayette County. They're doing the best

they can. That's all I can tell you."

Well, great. I've talked to

a couple of humans, but I might as well be calling from

Mars for all the information or help I've gotten.

Does the EMC even know my

little clump of houses is still dark? Are they depending

on one of the four houses to notify them of our dilemma?

Or are they stretched to the max in a dozen places at

once? Should I prepare for a night of darkness? Should I

go get some dry ice for my freezer from the many fully

functioning stores nearby?

I try a last resort. I'm an

old radio newsman, from the days when local radio

stations had local news all hours of the day and night.

So I call a "local" radio station. A woman

answers. "The offices are closed. I just stopped in

for a moment. I really don't have any information about

any power outages."

In desperation and

frustration, I call my own office, a newspaper office

with a computer answering machine. It's on the fritz,

too. All I hear is the ringing, ringing, ringing of an

unanswerable phone.

I wearily replace the

phone, walk to the open door to look out into the dark. I

step onto the darkened porch, and behind me, lights come

on, fans start whirring, the TV blares, the answering

machine - previously bereft of power -

announces, "Answering machine, on."

I reach for the remote

control for the TV to shift to a news channel. Black snow

and static.

Oh, yeah, did I forget to

mention that my cable has been out since about July 20?

It's still out.

I called the cable number

four nights running and got an answering service operator

who told me the cable company was aware of my problem and

was working on it and would have it fixed shortly.

Shortly has extended into a week now.

I called the cable company

during the days, got credit for my unseen cable, and

received promises that the technician would have it

repaired that day. That started midweek last week.

It's Monday, mid-afternoon,

and my cable is still out.

Oh, and the Newnan number

for Coweta-Fayette EMC? As of 11 this Monday morning, the

line was going buzz-buzz-buzz.

The "unconnected"

and unlisted Peachtree City number is now connected. I

dial it - and get a computer. "The average wait

time to speak to a customer service representative is 10

minutes." I hang up, shaking my head, remembering

when there was an immediate human at the end of every

telephone ring.

But my power is on. Thank

you, Coweta-Fayette EMC linemen, for working in the

dangerous dark with high-voltage lines. We would be lost

without you. Wish I knew how to phone your boss to

suggest something's wrong with his customer service

operation.

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