Plan ahead for family gatherings. Anticipate

holiday activities and structure your time, rather than simply

reaching to what happens. Getting caught off-guard can create

feelings of panic, fear and anxiety during a time when feelings of

grief are already heightened. Decide ahead of time which

family traditions your would like to continue and which new

ones you would like to begin.

Renew your resources for living. The combination of

a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward

and assessing your individual situation. Use this time to define

the positive things in life that surround you.

And finally, as you approach any holiday, birthday

or special time, remember that grief is both necessary and

a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving

love. Don't let anyone take your grief away or try to

distract yourself by "keeping busy." This will only increase

your stress. Spend some special time alone, but don't

isolate yourself from others. Think of your loved one often,

and laugh, smile or cry with family and friends.

For more information on understanding and coping

with grief, contact your local funeral home director or

visit www.batesville.com.

Dr. Wolfelt serves as director of the Center for Loss and

Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colo., and has authored several books

on understanding and coping with grief. He also developed the

Honoring Family Choices Program for bringing more meaning into

the funeral service, in conjunction with Bateville Casket Company.

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