Most students of the art of purveying news are advised to aim their syntax toward readers at a fifth grade

level. McNewspaper editors see to it that a second grader with an attention deficit disorder would be comfortable

with their product. Admirable, I suppose, for advocates of those so afflicted, but what ADD tot even reads the paper?

not to mention comprehensive news on a daily basis, more than I can usually finish.

Within The Globe's well-written and beautifully illustrated pages one can nonetheless find amusement in

the life-and-death announcements that mean so much to all of us.

For example, on a page of birth announcements, one would expect to find expressions like the following, if

one would expect to find birth announcements at all in a national publication: "The Smiths are delighted to

announce the birth of..." Or, "thrilled to announce the safe arrival of...", or "Celebrating the birth of..." Doctors and

nursing staffs are thanked. Siblings and grandparents are included. I was touched by this note: "Sadly missed at this

time is grandmother Geraldine Servin...."

But tell me this one isn't a bit excessive (I've changed names): "Coustain/Taylor -- What is a Baby? The

fresh smell after a rainfall, the first ray of sunshine, spring, tomorrow "R.J., Jackie and (big sister) Hannah Marie

all feel so special to be chosen by God to welcome Thomas Samuel into the world on (date, time). He weighed

3100 grams, was 52 cms. long and had Apgars of 9 and 9. He is the fourteenth grandchild of ... and the third for

... Many thanks to Dr.... and the nurses at the Toronto Hospital. We have been awed every day of Hannah's life

but now, with the gift of a second child, we realize that the wonderment and beauty of God's miracles have

no bounds."

Whew.

The most titillating reading, believe it or not, came from the weekly calendar of The Guardian, P.E.I.'s

little daily. There are support group listing the usual -- Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, even

Pills Anonymous. But Sexaholics Anonymous? They meet twice a week. There's a phone number for contact, but

no published location. I'm not surprised.

Among The Globe obits, we read of the death of George Roberts of Victoria, a husband, father,

grandfather, stepfather, step-grandfather, and yes, ex-husband. "Also surviving are his first wife Phyllis and his brother

Tom," it says.

But more remarkable than leaving behind such a sport for an ex, the list of George's survivors included

a deceased step-grandson. How did he do that?

I must say I was genuinely touched by reading of Toronto's Robert Townsend, whose obit read:

"Beloved husband of Alice, proud parent of ... and 10 grandchildren.... In lieu of flowers, donations to the Toronto

Symphony...."

The paragraph concluded with this poignant message: "If you remember me, I would like that, but no

mourning, please. Death in old age is a solution, not a tragedy."

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