Some of you may think I'm just being a Hellraiser

or a big, fat Pumpkinhead but The

Thing of it is , it's true. We are headed to a place like

the Twilight Zone , The Dark Half of a month with

only college and professional football to sate us.

This Amityville -type- Horror has never gripped us before

either. Typically, we have professional basketball to act as

a Firestarter during the increasingly cool autumn nights.

The NBA lockout has made our televised professional

sport selection Thinner however. All that we are left with

is golf, auto racing, hockey and football on the weekends.

It's for The Birds if you ask me.

I am a part of a very special Species , a

Nightbreed if you will, that feeds off of

sports highlight programs. We are Scanners who will stop on

any sports related program, anything to feed The

Hunger . By Monday, these programs have driven the weekend's

events into a Shallow Grave , driving us into the

Jaws of sitcom tomfoolery. They run out of things to cover and we run

out of things to watch. With virtually no sports to

follow for a month, I'm sure I will be a Basket

Case . My insides will feel like somebody did a

Texas Chainsaw Massacre on my insides and then laid

them out on a Witchboard .

It is Near Dark now and these thoughts have

already made tonight enough of a Fright

Night . Soon, there will be redemption. High

school basketball will start after Thanksgiving, as will

college basketball. The NBA is full of

Leeches so I'm sure that their greed insures at least a

partial professional season. Soon after the first of the year

spring training for baseball will begin. Life will

become exciting again. " It Lives ,"

we will shout. " It's Alive. "

Happy Halloween and have a safe Trick or

Treat , you Children of the Corn you.

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