Ask Margar-etiquette about the Angry Customer Era

Dear Margar-etiquette,

Everywhere I go, people seem angry. Customers are frustrated with businesses, businesses seem stretched thin, and interactions that used to be routine now feel tense. With prices rising and customer service often feeling impersonal, many people feel like they don’t matter anymore. As an average American, is there anything I can do to make a difference?

Concerned Consumer

Dear Concerned,

I think you’ve put your finger on something many people feel but struggle to articulate. There is a growing sense that the social contract has frayed. Prices have gone up. Wait times have increased. Many companies have fewer employees serving more customers. Automated systems have replaced human interactions. And when something goes wrong, people often find themselves talking to a chatbot, navigating endless phone menus, or waiting on hold longer than they think they should.

It’s understandable that people feel frustrated. The problem is that frustration often spills onto the nearest available person. That person is often the cashier, flight attendant, customer service representative, server, call center employee, or someone standing behind the counter. The irony, of course, is that these are usually the people with the least power to fix the larger problem.

Many service professionals are feeling squeezed, too. They are navigating staffing shortages, policy changes, unhappy customers, performance metrics, and expectations they didn’t create. In many cases, they are experiencing the same economic pressures as the people they’re serving. What emerges is a cycle: customers feel unseen, employees feel unappreciated, and both sides leave the interaction feeling worse than when they arrived.

So what can the average American do? More than you might think.

Start by remembering that every interaction is an opportunity to restore a little humanity to the situation. Learn someone’s name. Make eye contact. Say “please” and “thank you.” Acknowledge effort, even when the outcome isn’t perfect. That may sound small, but small things are often what people remember.

When someone provides exceptional service, tell them. Better yet, tell their manager. Positive feedback is surprisingly rare. Many employees hear complaints all day long and receive very little recognition when they do something well. And when you need to voice a concern, focus on the issue rather than attacking the person. 

There’s a world of difference between: “I’m frustrated with this situation. Can you help me understand my options?” and “This is ridiculous. You people never know what you’re doing.”

One invites problem-solving. The other invites defensiveness. Perhaps most importantly, resist the temptation to contribute to the culture of anger. Outrage can be contagious. 

Kindness can also be contagious. Every day, we make dozens of tiny choices about how we will treat the people around us. Most of those choices will never make headlines, go viral, or change national policy. But they do shape the atmosphere in our communities, workplaces, stores, restaurants, and neighborhoods. We often underestimate the impact of ordinary civility because its effects are difficult to measure. Yet many of us can recall a stranger’s kindness years after it happened.

If there’s a guiding principle here, it’s this: while we may not be able to fix every economic challenge or corporate policy, we can decide whether the people we encounter feel diminished or valued after interacting with us. The most powerful way to remind people they matter is to treat them as though they do. And in a world where many people feel invisible, that may be one of the most meaningful gifts we can offer.

Where manners meet real life, 

Margar-etiquette