The Pollen Apocalypse

People have predicted the end of the world since the first folks walked the Earth, but now I know the actual date and time. The end of the world will happen on the morning of March 30, 2026, right as you wake up and take a deep breath. My prediction isn’t just to catch your attention, and have you read this column (which is great, thanks for reading.) It’s based in scientific data from the NAB, a professional certifying body. Still not convinced – just keep reading, Dear Reader. The facts are undisputable.

Georgia is famous for lots of things: peaches, peanuts, and pecans, (pronounced the southern way – “peecans.”) But this time of the year, the Jewel of the South is famous for something none of us (not one single person who walks outside for even a second) likes. Fair warning, even if you don’t go outside, you can’t avoid it because it will still find you. Every surface inside your home will soon be covered with a fine blanket of yellow. 

In Georgia, we have perfect weather…for exactly four weeks out of the year: two weeks during early spring and two weeks in the late fall. Right now, we are in the last few days of the first perfect two weeks of the year. We’re talking about no humidity, no more freezing temperatures, and no one is sweating the nineties. Even the mosquitoes and those pesky “no-see-ums” aren’t flying around yet. But soon, very soon, the scourge will once again descend on our state in the form of the yellow cloud of pollen. 

If you’re new to Georgia and you think it’s bad now, I got some news for you. Just wait. You’ve not seen anything yet. There’s something called the pollen count. They actually pay someone to sit in an office and count all the little grains of pollen in a cubic meter of air. How they do that I don’t really know. How much they get paid? I can tell you from my stuffy head and sneezing, it’s not nearly enough.

Still not worried about the impending pollination of our town and the end of the world? Let’s take a little look at recent history. In Georgia, anywhere from 101 to 500 grains per cubic meter of air is considered high to very high. On March 30, 2024, the pollen count reached an incredible 1,646 causing the National Allergy Bureau to issue warnings to those with breathing issues to limit outside activities and stay inside. Think that’s bad? It gets worse…a lot worse.

Last year on March 30^th, the pollen count was delayed for hours. Why? They had to call in extra staff to count all those grains of pollen. When finally finished, the count was the highest recorded in history surpassing the previous record of 9,369. The count came in at a whopping 14,801 grains per cubic meter of yellowed air. Anything above 1,500 is considered “extremely high,” and the count smashed that number by nearly 10 times.

So, what causes the super high pollen count? Trees. Our state is covered with them, and unless we’re going to cut down all the pines, oaks, and sycamores, the yellow stuff is here to stay. So how can I be so sure of my March 30^th end of the world prediction? There is due to be a “perfect storm” of the blooming species targeted for – and you guessed it – on March 30^th. 

But if, by chance, we all survive the coming pollen apocalypse, then I guess you’ll be seeing me walking around downtown. I’ll be the one wearing a mask and all covered in a blanket of yellow.