Ask Margar-etiquette about Bad Listeners

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I’ve noticed that people don’t really listen anymore. Everyone seems to be waiting for their turn to talk—or worse, just looking at their phone while pretending to pay attention. What happened to good old-fashioned listening?

Tuned Out

Dear Tuned Out,

You’re not imagining it. We live in a world that rewards talking, posting, and reacting—but not always listening. The result? Conversations that feel more like competition than connection.

Listening is more than being quiet while someone else speaks. It’s an act of respect. It says, you matter enough for me to put my thoughts aside and hear yours. When we listen well, we’re not just gathering information—we’re building trust and empathy.

Here are a few etiquette reminders that can help bring listening back into style:

• Be present. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and resist the urge to multitask. Real listening requires your full attention.
  
• Don’t plan your response while they’re talking. This is the biggest barrier to genuine listening. Let the person finish, take a beat, and then respond thoughtfully.
  
• Acknowledge, don’t hijack. If someone shares an experience, resist turning it into a story about yourself. A simple “That sounds really meaningful” goes a long way.
  
• Ask, don’t assume. Listening is active. Try: “Tell me more about that,” or “What was that like for you?” These small questions show interest and open the door to deeper conversation.
  
• Read the cues. Sometimes people just need to be heard, not advised. Etiquette reminds us that empathy often matters more than solutions.
  

At the heart of good manners is consideration—and listening is one of its purest forms. When you give someone your full attention, you offer them something rare: the feeling of being seen, valued, and understood.

With Love and Understanding,

Margar-etiquette