What Did You Say?

I was trying to tell my granddaughter something the other day, just a little something I didn’t want repeated all over town, so I said, “Now, this is just a little inside baseball.”
She looked at me like I had just invited her to a game she didn’t have tickets for.

“What’s that?”

Alright, fair enough. I tried to explain, “Well, just keep it under your hat.” Now she seemed even more confused.

“What hat?”

At this point I realized there might be a communication problem. So, I tried again. “Just keep it on the down low.”

She shook her head. “Low what? I don’t know what that means.”

By this time, I was in too deep to turn back, so I kept going.

I said, “Alright then, just keep it on the QT.”

She looked at me and said, “What’s a QT?”

I said, “Look, just don’t go blabbing it around.”

She said, “Blabbing?”

“Don’t spill the beans.”

She just stared at me for a second and then got a little irritated, “Papa, you know I wasn’t the one who spilled the beans at lunch!”

At that point I figured I might as well keep going. I said, “Just don’t let the cat out of the bag.”

She said, “Why is there a cat in a bag? That’s just cruel, Papa.”

Now I’m starting to wonder how we ever communicated anything as a society. So, I tried one more.

I said, “Look, it’s just between you, me, and the fence post.”

She didn’t even blink. “There’s no fence post in here.”

“Then just keep it under wraps.”

She smiled, “Like a present?”

I said, “Yes. Exactly like a present.”

Then I replied, “Or you could simply just zip your lip.”

She smiled and pretended to zip it, so I thought maybe, just maybe, we were making progress. But then she asked, “Why didn’t you just say don’t tell anybody?”

So, I finally did. I said, “Don’t tell anybody.”

And she replied, “Oh. Okay.” 

That’s when it hit me.

We’ve spent years coming up with all kinds of ways to say, “Keep this a secret” without ever just saying, “Keep this a secret.”

Keep it under your hat.

Don’t spill the beans.

Mum’s the word.

Keep it on the QT.

Don’t let the cat out of the bag.

Keep it under wraps.

Zip your lip.

Don’t go blabbing.

Keep it close to your vest.

Between you, me, and the fence post.

This past Monday, I mentioned it at school. I told my co-workers about the conversation, expecting at least one of them to nod along and say, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard that one.”

Not one did. Not one.

Every single one of them just looked at me the same way my granddaughter had. I’m talking about grown adults, people in their twenties and thirties, shaking their heads like I was speaking another language. That’s when it really sank in.

I’ve never felt older in a kindergarten classroom, which means one of two things: either I’m getting older or these sayings are slowly packing up and heading out without telling anybody.

And at the rate they’re going, I may be the last one left who knows what they mean. So, if you hear me say one, don’t worry about it. Just nod your head like you understand, and whatever you do…

Don’t tell anybody.