Ask Margar-etiquette about Shoeless Homes

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I often visit homes where people remove their shoes at the door, or it seems expected that guests will. I want to be respectful, but I also sometimes prefer to keep my shoes on for comfort or personal reasons. What’s the polite thing to do?

Signed, Shoe-Shy Guest

Dear Shoe-Shy Guest,

Navigating expectations in someone else’s home can feel delicate, especially when it involves personal comfort and cultural habits. Footwear at the doorstep may seem like a small matter, but for many households, it carries real meaning—cleanliness, tradition, or simply long-standing family rhythm.

Fortunately, respectful etiquette offers a calm, gracious way through.

Start With Observation and Courtesy

When entering someone’s home, pause a moment and look for cues. Are there shoes neatly placed by the door? Is the host walking around in socks or slippers? These subtle signals often tell you everything you need to know—without anyone having to say a word.

If the expectation still isn’t clear, it’s perfectly polite to ask: “Would you prefer that I take my shoes off?”

This question communicates respect and avoids misunderstanding.

When You Prefer to Keep Your Shoes On

There are many valid reasons someone might choose to keep their shoes on—medical needs, balance, comfort, or personal boundaries. You are not obligated to explain those reasons in detail. A gentle, respectful response is enough: “I’m more comfortable leaving my shoes on—thank you for understanding.”

A considerate host will honor that without question. Good etiquette goes both ways.

If You’re the Host: Lead With Warmth, Not Rules

If your home has a “shoes-by-the-door” tradition, the kindest thing you can do is let guests know in advance. A simple note in an invitation or a soft reminder at the door prevents awkwardness.

For example: “We usually remove our shoes inside, but please make yourself comfortable in whatever way works best for you.”

Providing slippers, socks, or a place to sit makes your request feel welcoming rather than rigid.

Honor Cultural Practices With Openness

In many cultures, removing shoes isn’t optional—it’s a sign of respect, spiritual cleanliness, or a deeply rooted custom. When visiting a home where this is clearly the case, a little flexibility goes a long way. If you have a need to keep your shoes on, bring clean indoor slippers or socks as a thoughtful alternative.

Showing that you’ve considered their traditions communicates genuine respect.

A Simple Courtesy Kit for Guests

Carrying a pair of clean socks, no-slip socks, or foldable indoor slippers can make last-minute surprises much easier. It’s a small gesture that preserves both your comfort and your host’s preferences.

Kindness First, Always

At its core, this isn’t really about footwear—it’s about consideration. Hosts want guests to feel comfortable. Guests want to respect the spaces they enter. When both sides approach the situation with mutual understanding, the visit feels warm and gracious from the very start.

With grace and good sense, 

Margar-etiquette