Ask Margar-etiquette about Who Gets Holiday Gifts and Tips

Dear Margar-etiquette,

The holidays are approaching, and I’m already feeling stressed about gift-giving. I work with several colleagues, see neighbors regularly, and interact with service providers throughout the year. I genuinely appreciate these people, but I can’t afford (or manage!) to give a gift to everyone. What’s the etiquette for who “should” get a gift—and how do I avoid feeling obligated or guilty? 

Signed, Overwhelmed By Good Intentions

Dear Overwhelmed,

Gift-giving is meant to be a gesture of gratitude—not a test of your generosity, budget, or emotional endurance. Yet the pressure to give something to everyone can creep in quickly, especially during the holidays. Let’s bring some clarity (and relief) to all of this.

Start With This Truth: Gifts Are Optional, Gratitude Isn’t

There is no etiquette rule that says you must give gifts to coworkers, neighbors, mail carriers, or anyone else simply because you interact often. Etiquette guides us toward kindness, not compulsory transactions. A sincere thank-you, a thoughtful word, or a warm holiday wish is always appropriate—and often more meaningful.

Prioritize Authentic Relationships, Not Proximity

Instead of feeling responsible for everyone you cross paths with, think about your actual circles:

• Colleagues you collaborate with closely
  
• Friends disguised as coworkers
  
• Neighbors you truly know
  
• Professionals who’ve had a real impact on your year
  

If someone has supported you in significant or consistent ways, a small token or heartfelt note may feel right. But proximity alone—simply being around someone—does not obligate you to give a gift.

Consider Alternatives to Traditional Gifts

Thoughtfulness doesn’t equal expense. Some meaningful, stress-free options include:

• A handwritten card expressing specific appreciation
  
• A small consumable treat (tea bags, chocolates, or homemade cookies)
  
• A shared office snack for everyone to enjoy
  
• A charitable donation made in honor of “my wonderful coworkers.”
  
• A simple emailed thank-you that’s personal and warm
  

These gestures honor the spirit of the season without adding financial pressure or turning the workplace into a gifting Olympics.

Self-Imposed Guilt Is Not a Tradition You Need to Keep

If someone gives you a gift unexpectedly, you are not suddenly required to reciprocate. The gracious response is simply:  “This is so thoughtful—thank you!” Your gratitude is enough. And remember: gift-giving is a choice, not a social debt.

Set a Personal Gifting Philosophy

Instead of reacting to pressure, decide on your standard for holiday giving:

• “I give to those I’m close to.”
  
• “I give where there has been kindness or support this year.”
  
• “I give only when it brings me joy.”

These personal boundaries help eliminate guilt and ensure that every gift you do give comes from a place of sincerity.

At Its Heart, Holiday Etiquette Is About Thoughtfulness, Not Obligation

Give where it feels genuine. Express appreciation everywhere else. And allow yourself the comfort of knowing you’re not alone—most people feel this pressure, and most people are relieved when the culture shifts toward sincerity instead of stuff.

With warmth and goodwill, 

Margar-etiquette