Question Mark on College: Dream School Rejection

Dear Mark,

My son is a high school senior, and the college acceptance and rejection decisions are starting to arrive. I thought I was prepared for this, but I’m not handling it well at all, and neither is he.

Last week, he got rejected from his dream school, the one he’s talked about since sophomore year, the one where he did a summer program and could already picture himself on campus. He tried to play it off like he was fine, but I know he’s not. I didn’t know what to say that didn’t sound like empty platitudes.

Then yesterday, he got accepted to two schools that are perfectly good options, but he barely reacted. He just said “okay” and went back to his room. I’m worried and just want the best fit for him.

We still have several schools we’re waiting to hear from, and the tension in our house is unbearable. How do I help him process these rejections without dismissing his feelings? How do I get him excited about the schools that DID want him? 

Sincerely, Desperately Overwhelmed

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Dear Desperately Overwhelmed,

What you’re going through right now is one of those parenting moments that nobody really prepares you for. Your son is grieving, and you’re watching it happen while also trying to keep hope alive. That’s hard. Really hard.

Here’s the thing: rejection from a dream school isn’t just about not getting in. It’s about the death of a specific future he’d already imagined, one of walking those paths, studying in those libraries, becoming the person he thought he’d be there. That loss is real, and he needs permission to feel it before he can move forward.

Let Him Grieve (But Set a Timeline)

Right now, validation matters more than perspective. Instead of jumping to “everything happens for a reason” or “you’ll end up where you’re meant to be,” try this: “I know how much that school meant to you. This really sucks, and I’m sorry.” That’s it. Sit with him in the disappointment for a bit.

But here’s where the parent wisdom kicks in: grief needs boundaries. After a few days of processing, it’s okay to gently say, “I see you hurting, and that makes sense. And I also see two schools that said yes to you, schools that saw exactly what I see. When you’re ready, let’s figure out what makes them special.”

Reframe Acceptance as Being Chosen

Think of it this way: those two schools didn’t just accept him, they chose him. They looked at thousands of applications and said, “Yes, we want this student.” That’s not a consolation prize. That’s validation.

Help him flip the script. Instead of “I didn’t get into School X,” try “Schools Y and Z fought to have me on their campus.” The question isn’t “Where couldn’t I go?” It’s “Where do I want to build my future?”

Make It Tangible

Here’s where you get practical. Excitement doesn’t come from just thinking about a school; it comes from experiencing it. If you can swing it, visit those accepted schools. Not the official tour, but the real visit. Grab lunch near campus. Sit in the student union. Walk around and ask students what they love about being there.

Can’t visit? Deep dive online together. Find student vlogs, read the campus newspaper, check out clubs he’d actually join. Make it real. Make it his.

Create a Decision Framework (When He’s Ready)

Once all the letters are in, you’ll need to make an actual decision. Emotions will still be running high, so give him a framework. Grab a notebook and map it out together:

• Academics: Does the program match his goals?
• Culture: Can he see himself thriving there?
• Opportunities: Internships, research, study abroad?
• Finances: What’s realistic without crushing debt?
• Gut feeling: When he pictures himself there, what does he feel?

The goal? Take the decision out of the emotional fog and into the light.

Manage the Waiting Game

For the schools you’re still waiting on? Set some ground rules. Maybe you check the portals together once a day, no obsessive refreshing. Create some normalcy. Go to a movie. Cook his favorite meal. Remind him (and yourself) that he’s more than this process.

The Bigger Picture

You know that feeling when you look back on your life and realize the “disappointments” were actually redirections? You’re living proof that where you start doesn’t determine where you end up. But right now isn’t the time for that speech.

What he needs to hear: “I’m proud of you. Not because of where you got in or didn’t get in, but because of who you are and how hard you worked. We’re going to figure this out together.”

The good news? In a few months, he’ll be moving into a dorm somewhere, making friends, finding his people, and this moment will feel like ancient history. Your job right now isn’t to make him feel better instantly. It’s to walk beside him while he figures out how to be disappointed and hopeful at the same time.

That’s not just surviving the college process. That’s learning resilience. And honestly? That’s a skill that’ll matter way more than which school’s sweatshirt he’s wearing next fall.

You’ve got this. And more importantly, he’s got this, too.

Warmly,

Mark

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