Ask Margar-etiquette about Group Messaging

Dear Margar-etiquette,

Every holiday season my phone lights up with giant group text threads—sometimes full of people that are not even in my contacts. One “Happy Holidays!” suddenly becomes dozens of notifications as everyone replies to everyone. It’s exhausting. Is there a polite way to deal with these messages without offending the senders?

Over-Notified

Dear Over-Notified,

Group messaging is one of those modern conveniences that can quickly turn into a modern irritation. What begins as a cheerful greeting often becomes a runaway train of notifications: thumbs-up emojis, animated reindeer, and endless “Same to you!” replies.

Your frustration makes perfect sense and etiquette is here to help.

Let’s Start With the Bigger Issue: Convenience for One, Chaos for Many

A lot of people send holiday greetings to a large, mixed group because it’s easy: one message, many recipients. But what’s convenient for the sender can be incredibly disruptive for everyone else.

When a thread includes coworkers, distant relatives, neighbors, and near-strangers all jumbled together, the notifications pile up fast, especially when each person responds not just to the sender, but to the entire group.

It’s the digital version of someone shouting “Happy Holidays!” into a megaphone in a crowded room and then everyone shouting back.

Good intentions? Yes. Good execution? Not quite.

Your Best Tool: The Blessed, Invisible Mute Button

Muting a thread is not rude—it’s responsible. It protects your sanity, respects the sender’s intent, and keeps your phone from behaving like a slot machine on triple jackpot mode. And best of all, no one knows you’ve done it.

Mute with confidence.

Should You Leave the Thread? Use Caution.

Leaving a group text is noticeable, and sometimes sends a louder message than intended. If the group is made up of family, colleagues, or people you’ll see regularly, muting is the friendlier choice.

If you do opt to exit, a gentle message smooths the way:

“Stepping out of the thread to manage notifications—wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season!”

Short. Warm. Clear.

If You’re the Sender: Consider Smaller, More Meaningful Groups

For anyone reading who loves to send cheerful blasts of holiday spirit, a small reminder:

Sending to a giant group is easy for you, but it creates a lot of noise for everyone else.

A few alternatives that maintain the cheer without the chaos:

• Send individual messages (more meaningful anyway)
  
• Group people only if they actually know each other
  
• Use a BCC-style messaging app that prevents reply-all avalanches
  
• Or simply share a general holiday greeting on social media
  

Thoughtfulness on the sending side solves most of the receiving side’s annoyance.

You Don’t Have to Reply to Every Reply

Once you’ve shared your greeting, your job is done. No need to keep the thread going. In fact, not responding is a kindness—it keeps the noise level down for everyone else.

At the Heart of It: Holiday Cheer Should Feel Cheerful

Connection is wonderful. Chaos is not. With thoughtful sending and polite receiving—plus a strategic mute button—we can preserve goodwill without overwhelming each other’s devices.

Because holiday messages should warm your heart… not overheat your phone.

Wishing you quiet, clarity, and kindness, 

Margar-etiquette