Honoring Those We’ve Lost to Suicide

I think most people are aware that we’ve had a rash of suicides recently in our community. When someone takes their own life, it sets off a ripple of complicated grief for family and friends. I know from personal experience—my mother took her life twenty-two years ago while I was pregnant with my first child. The pain I suffered was intense, and I didn’t think it would ever end, but it did eventually lift. That’s not to say it didn’t leave scars, because it most certainly did. But I think it also gave me an appreciation for the human condition, which today guides my interactions with both intimates and strangers alike.          

I think it’s important to understand that while many suicides can be prevented, they are not 100% preventable. In my mother’s case, she had received both in-patient and out-patient care and was under constant supervision. The house had been cleared of all dangerous implements, and my father dispensed her medication. And yet it still happened. 

Depression can be a formidable and wily foe. It can make sufferers believe all kinds of lies about themselves. It can also fool family and friends—even medical professionals. 

So, know this, survivors of suicide: It is not your fault. 

What can we do to help prevent suicide? 

Pay attention. If someone you care about seems off, inquire about their wellbeing. Everyone has a crummy day occasionally. It may be nothing, but it never hurts to ask.    

Check in with friends and family, even when things are going well. 

Remind your people how much you love and care for them—no matter what. 

If a friend or family member is going through a rough patch, listen first. Then remind them that change is the one thing that is constant. Things will get better. 

Let them know that their mental health is equally as important as their physical health and that neglecting either can have deadly consequences.  

If you or someone you know is in crisis or struggling with thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to be connected to a trained crisis counselor. It is free and confidential. It is also a resource for anyone who is worried about a loved one who may need support.      

We must stop giving lip service to mental health. 

I haven’t met anyone who disagrees with the fact that we must do better when it comes to mental health care services, but it’s just lip service if we aren’t willing to put our money where our mouths are. We must demand more from both our state and federal legislators. It’s a multi-faceted, complicated issue. But for starters we can: 1) Increase reimbursement rates for mental health care. 2) Offer financial incentives for mental health providers. 3) Renew enhanced ACA subsidies. (Yeah, I said it.) We are either serious about providing affordable mental health care, or we’re not. Plain and simple. 4) Revise the Certificate of Need (CON) process in Georgia to allow for more in-patient mental health facilities. As anyone who has tried to place a family member in a mental health facility can tell you, in-patient beds are hard to come by. 5) Implement full Medicaid expansion in Georgia.   

End the stigma. 

This one is easier said than done. According to the National Institutes of Health, over 20% of adults in the United States have a mental health condition. It’s a remarkably common affliction, yet many still feel a deep sense of shame about it. My mother was one of them. We can help erase stigma by talking about mental illness with the same reverence as we do when discussing cancer.   

Support for Survivors 

Don’t be afraid to reach out to survivors. Sometimes people don’t know what to say to the bereaved, so they run for the hills. I was surprised by those who came out of the woodwork after my mother’s death. I’ll never forget seeing the caravan of neighbors marching up our driveway bearing food. I remember wanting to hide in the bedroom, but my husband encouraged me to stay and greet them, and I’m glad I did. They knew exactly what I needed: fried chicken, mac and cheese, coleslaw, and hugs. And then they left. A simple note, a phone call, or an invite for coffee or a walk are great ways to show support. If you visit, keep it short and sweet like my neighbors did.     

Practice Compassion 

Finally, let’s honor those we’ve lost to suicide by showing compassion for others. A small act of kindness can go a long way and often doesn’t cost a thing. A simple “thank you” or a smile can make a difference. It’s not always easy, especially when the kindness isn’t returned, but it’s worth the effort.    

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, help is available. Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day.