On September 17, 1994, Mary Catherine Mercer and I stood at the altar of the First United Methodist Church in Atlanta, vowing to spend our lives together. With her older brother Rev. Frank Mercer officiating, we promised to spend our lives together to care for each other through sickness and health, to support each other through poverty and wealth, and to love and cherish each other. Frank even encouraged us to be fruitful and multiply, which we did with our (now) three grown children—Alex (Alexandria), Tori (Victoria), and Stephen. Thirty years of wedded bliss, right?
When I met Mary Catherine, we were both working in the new Marriott Marquis I office building in downtown Atlanta. Yes, it was an office romance. We were both working in the insurance business. I was a brand-new agent with MassMutual Insurance, and she was an administrative assistant for one of the senior agents. I was a sucker for her blonde hair, blue eyes, and that smile. Man, that smile. She lit up a room and still does.
It seems like just yesterday, and yet thirty years have gone by. Over the years, we’ve navigated the highs and lows of life, raised our children, built a business, and shared many adventures together. In celebration of our 30th anniversary, I told her I was going to write this article and asked what I should write about. She said that our life history is already all over social media, so maybe we should share some tips for other people in long-term relationships. Although this is being written from the perspective of a middle-aged, heterosexual couple, I suppose these tips could apply to anyone in a long-term relationship, no matter how non-traditional the relationship.
“Love is a choice you make every day.”
– Dr. Gary Chapman
Here’s our list of five things that have been cornerstones of our relationship—things that have kept us grounded, connected, and in love.
- Commitment to the relationship through sickness and health, poverty and wealth. It’s easy to say the words when everything is perfect, but the true strength of the marriage vows is tested when life throws challenges your way. Over the years, we’ve faced our share of ups and downs—financial stress, health scares, and the everyday trials of raising children and running a business. We almost lost it all—and each other—during the Great Recession of 2010–2011. Despite the challenges, we’ve always come back stronger and remained committed to the promise we made to each other 30 years ago. Our marriage is built on commitment—to our families, to each other, and to our Lord.
- Open communication during good times and bad. Communication is often cited as the key to any successful relationship, and we couldn’t agree more. It sounds easy, but it’s not. Feelings and distractions often get in the way. We try to make time to communicate in a variety of ways—text messages, shared memes, phone calls, in-person chats, and even amateur (ham) radio—yes, we both have our radio licenses! Being open and honest with each other—whether it’s about our worries, dreams, or just how the day went—has strengthened our bond. When times are tough, there’s a tendency to clam up. It’s important to keep those lines of communication open. No one is a mind reader, no matter how long they’ve been married.
- Assuming the best intentions from each other. One of the greatest gifts we try to give each other is the benefit of the doubt. We try hard to assume the best in each other, even when things are stressful or we’re in disagreement. It’s not easy, and some of our worst arguments have been over the pettiest of issues. Trusting that your partner has your best interests at heart can prevent small misunderstandings from becoming larger issues. We believe in giving each other grace. We’re both on the same team, working toward the same goals.
- A sense of humor and not taking life too seriously. Marriage is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be serious all the time. We love to laugh and have a good time. Mary Catherine gets this sense of joy and humor from her late mother and is naturally better at this than I am. I have a certain gravitas that is tempered by her joy. Laughter truly is the best medicine, and it’s allowed us to get through difficult times together. We’ve learned to laugh at ourselves, find humor in life’s little absurdities, and not take everything too seriously—unless we have to. Again, she’s better at this than me, and it’s probably why God put Mary Catherine in my life. A shared sense of humor has lightened the load on more than one occasion, reminding us that even in the toughest times, there’s joy to be found.
- Enjoying adventures together. Life is an adventure, and we’ve had plenty of them together. From raising kids to starting a business, from travel to quiet weekends at home and even Dragon Con, we’ve made it a point to enjoy life’s journey side by side. I don’t like to sit still, and that desire to go on adventures has been a big part of our marriage. I think it’s rubbed off on our kids, too. Our adventures haven’t always been grand, but they’ve been meaningful because we’ve experienced them together. It’s those shared moments—big and small—that have brought us closer and created a lifetime of memories. Starting and running a business together has definitely given us a sense of adventure!
“A marriage, or any relationship, works best when treated as a covenant, not a contract. Grace comes when both parties give more than they receive.” – Philip Yancey
In a previous article, I mentioned the Five Love Languages. You might recall that mine is “words of affirmation” and Mary Catherine’s is “acts of service.” I think we both also relate to “quality time” together as well. We have more time to spend together now that our kids are grown, and we’re officially empty nesters.
As we celebrate 30 years of marriage, I am incredibly grateful for the journey we’ve shared. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it. Mary Catherine and I have built a life rooted in love, laughter, and commitment. I love her more than anything else in the world, and I’m thankful every day that she chose me as her life partner. For those celebrating their own milestones, or just beginning their journey, my advice is this: stay committed, keep communicating, and enjoy the ride together. There’s no greater adventure than building a life with someone you love.
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25+ years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. Joe is a recipient of the Peachtree City Rotary Club Business Leader of the Year Award for 2024. Sign up for the Country Fried Creative newsletter to get marketing and business articles directly in your inbox. You can connect with Joe directly on LinkedIn or follow his new blog Marketing Data Science for more insights and updates.]
