QUESTION: My husband and I recently visited our son’s family. We live two thousand miles apart and with the pandemic and all, hadn’t seen one another in several years. We were appalled to discover that they — our daughter-in-law in particular — practice “gentle parenting,” which seemed to explain our two grands’ generally disrespectful and disobedient behavior. When we confronted our son about the craziness in his household, he told us it was his wife’s “thing” and he was going along with it to keep peace. Is it us, or is it “gentle parenting”?
ANSWER: “Gentle parenting” is the latest attempt by parenting progressives to market the same-old, same-old childrearing approach they have been marketing since the late 1960s. They’ve given it various labels — including democratic parenting, attachment parenting, and indigo parenting — but a farce by any other name is still a farce.
When all is said and done, “gentle parenting” is proof of Abraham Lincoln’s famous theorem: “You can fool some of the people all the time, and all the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
“Gentle parenting,” boils down to treating children as if they are rational, reasonable equals. That significant numbers of adults actually think a constant downpour of love will magically transform a child into a person of that description would be mind-boggling if it wasn’t just one more symptom of these anti-intellectual times.
Furthermore, you son’s admission that he is only going along with his wife to keep peace is telling of the fact that in too many an American household, the father has zero say in how the children are being raised. The woman he refers to as “my wife” has all but completely abdicated her proper role. She’s a full-time mommy. He would be more accurate in calling her “my children’s mother,” albeit even “my” is questionable from a strictly philosophical perspective.
“Gentle parenting” is driven not by research, which clearly favors traditional, authoritative childrearing, but appeal to emotion.
The underlying message: If GP isn’t living up to its promise, the mother must not be doing it correctly, working hard enough at it, bending over suitably when she talks to her child, employing a sufficiently wheedling tone, etc., which is why many a mom has told me that GP put her under tremendous stress and that she was only doing it because it’s what all her friends were doing and if she didn’t, she would no longer be included in play dates and the like.
Charming. If a mom doesn’t go along with the crowd, her child will pay the price.
Some moms are getting it. One former GPer recently told me that finding yours truly online and beginning to read this very psychologically incorrect column had liberated her from “the craziness.” She seemed to be holding back tears. Keep in mind that “my” approach to raising children isn’t “mine” at all. It was the norm for thousands of years, to no one’s detriment.
So, moms, listen up: Being liberated from the craziness of gentle parenting is worth being simultaneously liberated from crazy toddler play dates overseen by micromanaging mothers and crazy “My Child Is More Worthy Than Your Child and I’m Gonna Prove It” birthday parties that run into the thousands of dollars each.
[Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parentguru.com. Copyright 2022, John K. Rosemond]
